QUOTES by Tim Allen
Find most favourite and famour Authors from A.A Milne to Zoe Kravitz.
The big advantage to playing the Venetian in Las Vegas - where it's a beautiful theater - is that unlike other places, even many other nice venues, I can do a set and lighting cues, I can put on a real show. I can dress up, wear a tux.
Quote by -Tim Allen
Speeding is like drugs. It makes everything come at you fast, and when you go back to normal driving, safe driving, prudent driving, it seems boring. That's the danger of drugs. At first it's intoxicating, but then the rest of your life you're trying to find that very first time. It never is the same.
Quote by -Tim Allen
I like Pixie Sticks. Yeah, screw the middle man. Just a tube of sugar... I'd pour two of those in a big 12 ounce coke. And I'd go out to catechism class and try to concentrate on the priest. I saw Jesus several times. I swear I did.
Quote by -Tim Allen
Men aren't allowed to have self-esteem, because we're already supposed to have all the power.... But most men earn less than they want, barely the minimum wage. They're drones. They do stuff they don't want to do to support their families, and they're not sure why they do it. They don't know what they're doing half the time, and any time we stick up for ourselves, we're pigs because we don't know how to articulate our frustrations and joys.
Quote by -Tim Allen
The people that hunt are the guys that really vehemently protect the environment. You find that people that live on ranches tend to want to keep it that way, and I've always loved that about the hunters that I've known. They eat what they kill, and they carry it out. They don't shoot for sport.
Quote by -Tim Allen
Dad needs to show an incredible amount of respect and humor and friendship toward his mate so the kids understand their parents are sexy, they're fun, they do things together, they're best friends. Kids learn by example. If I respect Mom, they're going to respect Mom.
Quote by -Tim Allen
In the last three years of racing I've met as many women fans as men fans, and in NASCAR it's the same thing. My wife loves cars, but the difference is she doesn't have 20 years of understanding the background of them. She basically drives them and uses her gut feelings as to which is best.
Quote by -Tim Allen
I was gone so much in my first marriage. I love the moments when I engage with my youngest daughter now. It's not my thing to sit on the ground and play tea party, but I'll do it because it's a moment that will stick with me forever.
Quote by -Tim Allen
It's true; I have a skill and it's... it has not related to acting, it's not related to auditions, it's not related to studios, not related to public whim. It's whether I'm funny or not and whether I can entertain people.
Quote by -Tim Allen
The world's a mean place. It's unfair, then it's fair. It's hateful, then it's loving. It's a very peculiar place on philosophical and metaphysical and religious levels.
Quote by -Tim Allen
Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.
Quote by -Tim Allen
My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.
Quote by -Tim Allen
Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
Quote by -Tim Allen
Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.
Quote by -Tim Allen
I have to get a licence to drive a motorcycle to protect myself and the people around me. I am adamant there should be some sort of licensing required to have children.
Quote by -Tim Allen
You don't know what people are really like until they're under a lot of stress.
Quote by -Tim Allen
Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work, or prison.
Quote by -Tim Allen
Never comment on a woman's rear end. Never use the words 'large' or 'size' with 'rear end.' Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me.
Quote by -Tim Allen
I don't understand why it has to be either - or - either socialism or democracy. Why can't we combine things to get the best of each system?
Quote by -Tim Allen
When somebody tells you they're not very smart, they're saying exactly the opposite.
Quote by -Tim Allen
While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously.
Quote by -Tim Allen
I have irrational fears, and they all go back to losing my father as a kid. I've never gotten over it.
Quote by -Tim Allen
In my experience, it's all wonderful with girls until about 16. Around that time, boys kind of calm down and start focusing their testosterone. Girls get a little challenging, especially for fathers.
Quote by -Tim Allen
Nothing's as easy as it is on a sitcom. Issues that we take care of in 20 minutes on the show can stretch out over years in real families.
Quote by -Tim Allen
A guy knows he's in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.
Quote by -Tim Allen
Real men don't use instructions, son. Besides, this is just the manufacturer's opinion on how to put this together.
Quote by -Tim Allen
To get a man's attention, just stand in front of the TV and don't move. He'll talk to you. I promise.
Quote by -Tim Allen
Jill, we became parents so we could tell our kids what to do. Otherwise we're just the tallest people living here.
Quote by -Tim Allen
There is no greater feeling than when a groom turns to see his bride and has tears in his eyes because she is so beautiful.
Quote by -Tim Allen