If America had been discovered as many times as I have, no one would remember Columbus.

Be careful what you shoot at . . . most things in here don't react too well to bullets.

I've never really fancied Mexican food. A taco rather minds me of a puncture outfit.

Scotland should be nothing less than equal with all the other nations of the world.

I still pay full tax when I work in England and the same when I work in America.

Perhaps I'm not a good actor, but I would be even worse at doing anything else.

How peaceful life would be without love. How safe, how tranquil and how dull.

Your background and environment is with you for life. No question about that.

To cultivate an English accent is already a departure away from what you are.

The key to a woman's heart is an unexpected gift at an unexpected time.

I hope to work, support my children and die quietly without pain.

I find if I just sit down and think, a solution presents itself.

I just think the most difficult thing to displace is privilege.

I have always hated that damn James Bond. I'd like to kill him.

I take the good with the bad. I can't love people in slices.

The Irish seem to have more fire about them than the Scots.

I am not a politician and I have no intention of being one.

Red wine with fish. That should have told me something.

If you have to resort to violence, you've already lost.

If you can't do it with one bullet, don't do it at all.

I like women. I don't understand them, but I like them.

Nothing is impossible, only mathematically improbable.

It's not the worst thing to slap a woman now and then.

There's always a new challenge to keep you motivated.

I'm an easy target because of my political opinions.

Personally I give us . . . one chance of three.

I suppose I'll be able to get a drink there.

Sometimes a woman just needs to be slapped.

My boy, we are pilgrims in an unholy land.

I never trashed a hotel room or did drugs.

I met my wife through playing golf. She is French and couldn't speak English and I couldn't speak French, so there was little chance of us getting involved in any boring conversations - that's why we got married really quickly.

Most movies shot in Italian don't even bother to record the sound. In fact, sometimes when Fellini works, he doesn't even know what the dialogue is going to be, and he simply has his characters count from 1 to 10, knowing he will loop in their dialogue later.

After I began to make some money, my brain-damaged accountant put me in one business after another that went bad. The only one that panned out was a small bank, an old Scottish firm with London offices in Pall Mall. I was a director. We sold out to a larger bank. That was the only successful venture I've had, apart from acting.

My view is that to get anywhere in life you have to be anti-social, otherwise you'll end up being devoured. I've never been particularly social, anyway, but if I've ever been rude, fifty per cent of it has usually been provoked by other people's attitudes. Though I do admit, like most Celts, I'm moody. It's fine until people try to cheer you up with gems like, 'snap out of it' or 'Come on, now'.