The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people is suffering from a mental illness. Look at your 3 best friends. If they're ok, then it's you.

I think the reward for conformity is that everyone likes you except yourself.

Sorrow is how we learn to love. Your heart isn't breaking. It hurts because it's getting larger. The larger it gets, the more love it holds.

About all you can do in life is be who you are. Some people will love you for you. Most will love you for what you can do for them, and some won't like you at all.

One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.

Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment.

When I got [my] library card, that was when my life began.

The only queer people are those who don't love anybody.

If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

Loving's pretty easy. It's letting someone love you that's hard.

Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself.

Women need to feel loved and men need to feel needed.

Unfortunately, Susan didn't remember what Jane Fulton once said, 'Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results.

When God made man she was practicing.

I finally figured out the only reason to be alive is to enjoy it.

Writers will happen in the best of families.

A deadline is negative inspiration. Still, it's better than no inspiration at all.

Happiness is pretty simple: someone to love, something to do, something to look forward to.

He unzipped his pants and his brains fell out.

If the world were a logical place, men would ride side-saddle.

Creativity comes from trust. Trust your instincts.

Don't hope more than you're willing to work.

He tried to drown his troubles but they knew how to swim.

Any woman whose I.Q. hovers above her body temperature must be a feminist.

If you're afraid to die, you're afraid to live. You can't have one without the other.

Language exerts hidden power, like the moon on the tides.

Every day you're alive and someone loves you is a miracle.

Creativity comes from trust. Trust your instincts. And never hope more than you work.

It doesn't matter to me. We're still cousins in our own way. Blood's just something old people talk about to make you feel bad.

I mean, what do people talk about when they're married?" "Their kids, I guess." "Maybe that's all they have in common.

Normal is the average of deviance.

Two wrongs don't make a right. No, but three will get you back on the freeway!

Sex makes monkeys out of all of us. If you don’t give in to it, you wind up a cold, unfeeling bastard. If you do, you spend the rest of your life picking up the pieces. . . .

I think the reason I choose the comic approach so often is because it's harder, therefore affording me the opportunity to show off.

I hate the telephone. I think the lowest circle of hell is reserved for Alexander Graham Bell.

The writer's job is not to write a novel, hold it up and say, “Here I am,” but to write a novel, hold it up and say, “Here YOU are.

I believe that we often disguise pain through ritual and it may be the only solace we have.

❝Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.❞

Oh well, maybe the only beauty left in cities is in the oil slicks on the road and maybe there isn't any beauty left in the people who live in these places.

High heels were invented by a woman who had once been kissed on the forehead.

Whoever heard of a neurotic frog? Where do humans get off thinking they're the pinnacle of evolution?

I still miss those I loved who are no longer with me but I find I am grateful for having loved them. The gratitude has finally conquered the loss.

I believe in a lively disrespect for most forms of authority.

Dean: Don't you find that somewhat of an aberration? Doesn't this disturb you my dear? After all, it's not normal. Molly: I know it's not normal for people in this world to be happy, and I'm happy.

All this overt heterosexuality amused me. If only they knew.

Put your money in your head, that way no one can take it from you.

No government has the right to tell its citizens when or whom to love. The only queer people are those who don't love anybody.

I'd never seen men hold each other. I thought the only things they were allowed to do was shake hands or fight.

Leroy bet me I couldn’t find a pot of gold at the end, and I told him that was a stupid bet because the rainbow was enough.

My tombstone is going to say: 'Born: Yes. Died: Yes.