Take the diplomacy out of war and the thing would fall flat in a week.

You can't say civilization don't advance... in every war they kill you in a new way.

Diplomats are just as essential to starting a war as soldiers are for finishing it... You take diplomacy out of war, and the thing would fall flat in a week.

I have a scheme for stopping war. It's this - no nation is allowed to enter a war till they have paid for the last one.

The United States never lost a war or won a conference.

I have a scheme for stopping war. It's this -- no nation is allowed to enter a war till they have paid for the last one.

No nation ought to be allowed to enter into a war until it's paid for the last one.

If you want to know when a war might be coming, you just watch the U.S. and see when it starts cutting down on its defenses. It's the surest barometer in the world.

You can't say that civilization don't advance; for in every war they kill you a new way.

Sure must be a great consolation to the poor people who lost their stock in the late crash to know that it has fallen in the hands of Mr. Rockefeller, who will take care of it and see that it has a good home and never be allowed to wander around unprotected again. There is one rule that works in every calamity. Be it pestilence, war or famine, the rich get richer and the poor get poorer. The poor even help arrange it.

We are the only nation in the world that waits till we get into a war before we start getting ready for it.

You can have all the advanced war methods you want, but, after all, nobody has ever invented a war that you don't have to have somebody in the guise of soldiers to stop the bullets.

If you want to know when a war might be coming, you just watch the U.S. and see when it starts cutting down on its defenses. It's the surest barometer in the world.

There is one rule that works in every calamity. Be it pestilence, war, or famine, the rich get richer and poor get poorer. The poor even help arrange it.

I have always said that a conference was held for one reason only, to give everybody a chance to get sore at everybody else. Sometimes it takes two or three conferences to scare up a war, but generally one will do it.

The French couldn't hate us any more unless we helped 'em out in another war.

You can be killed just as dead in an unjustified war as you can in one protecting your own home.

George Bernard Shaw of England stopped over just long enough to make one speech in Bombay, India, started a war and 100 Indians killed each other. That's what I call good speech-making. The only enthusiasm any of our speakers can rouse is a demand to kill the speaker.

The only real diplomacy ever performed by a diplomat is in deceiving their own people after their dumbness has got them into a war.

I originated a remark many years ago that I think has been copied more than any little thing that Ive every said, and I used it in the FOLLIES of 1922. I said America has a unique record. We never lost a war and we never won a conference in our lives. I believe that we could without any degree of egotism, single-handed lick any nation in the world. But we cant confer with Costa Rica and come home with our shirts on.

There is two things that can disrupt business in this country. One is War, and the other is a meeting of the Federal Reserve Bank.

I will never joke about old soldiers who try to get to reunions to talk over the war again. To talk of old times with old friends is the greatest thing in the world.

The whole trouble with the Republicans is their fear of an increase in income tax, especially on higher incomes. They speak of it almost like a national calamity. I really believe if it come to a vote whether to go to war with England, France and Germany combined, or raise the rate on incomes of over $100,000, they would vote war.

A king can stand people's fighting but he can't last long if people start thinking.

When you have helped to raise the standard of cooking, you have helped to raise the only thing in the world that really matters. We only have one or two wars in a lifetime, but we have three meals a day -- there's nothing in the world that we do as much as we do eating.

Women are not the weak, frail little flowers that they are advertised. There has never been anything invented yet, including war, that a man would enter into, that a woman wouldn't, too.

The difference between a Republican and a Democrat is the Democrat is a cannibal they have to live off each other, while the Republicans, why, they live off the Democrats.

Anything important is never left to the vote of the people. We only get to vote on some man; we never get to vote on what he is to do.

The more you observe politics, the more you've got to admit that each party is worse than the other.

Democrats never agree on anything, that's why they're Democrats. If they agreed with each other, they would be Republicans.

If you hear of anyone proposing my name for political office, please maim him and send me the bill.