QUOTES by Bob Mortimer
Find most favourite and famour Authors from A.A Milne to Zoe Kravitz.
They asked me to go on 'Hell's Kitchen' but I'm banned from reality TV by my wife. She's not up for that kind of tomfoolery.
Quote by -Bob Mortimer
Catterick' was originally a movie. That was what we intended for it and we had the money for it and everything. But we couldn't be bothered - I know that sounds terrible, but it's the truth. At a later stage we went back, split it up and made it into the TV series. But, yeah that was supposed to be a movie and we just didn't bother.
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I look at stuff like the 'The Whole 19 Yards' and it reminds me of my childhood watching shows with Mike Reid and kids climbing over obstacles.
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When you have a house full of children, there's never a quiet moment, so I like getting out in the garden for a bit of time to myself.
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I'm not a fan of stand-up comedy, personally. But some of them are incredibly skilled.
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We're not scientific comedians, thinking like, 'Things have moved on, we need to do this, we need to reflect the world in this way.'
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I never craved having people leave a show saying, 'He's really intelligent, isn't he?' I didn't watch Tommy Cooper and think, 'Oh, he's so bright.' He just made me laugh.
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Our comedy is just falling over, funny faces, arguments, all the comedy basics, really.
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I was a solicitor once, so I'm truly grateful because I know what it's like to have a proper job.
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The wife and the kids provide my exercise, but I have to be careful because I have rheumatoid arthritis all over my body.
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I don't feel scared about death, I just feel so frustrated and sad to think I won't see how stories end. My children's story. My wife's. The football. All the stories going on in the world that you're going to miss the end of.
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When they told me I had to have a heart operation, my main memory is standing in my kitchen and thinking what I would really miss was my little tea towel. Not for one minute did I think, 'Oh, I'm going to really miss performing.' The things you're going to miss are your wife, your egg cup, your seat that you sit in to watch TV.
Quote by -Bob Mortimer
I had three bypasses in one go, using arteries harvested from my leg and the right side of my chest.
Quote by -Bob Mortimer
There is a theory in showbiz circles that mentally you remain the same age as when you first tasted fame, and I think there is a grain of truth in this.
Quote by -Bob Mortimer
I was so young when my dad died that I didn't think it had affected me. I had such tiny memories of him, just little glimpses, I thought I had been unaffected. But then I realised, somewhere in my late 40s I think, that probably the defining thing in my whole life was losing my dad.
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Between the age of 30 and going fishing, none of my friendships had any of that magic dust of when you were young. There was a sort of functionality to them, just keeping in touch. 'Oh, I should invite so and so, I haven't seen them for ages.
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I spend a lot of money on the little things that make me happy, like 3 falafels from M&S to eat on the train on the way up to Edinburgh, but I do keep a close eye on the bigger picture. I don't flash the cash ridiculously on expensive things.
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I was just a toddler when my dad died in a car crash. With my mum, Eunice, being a young widow with a large family, she really struggled money-wise.
Quote by -Bob Mortimer
The more cynical commentators on our careers would say that the northern accent has been the basis of our success. There's a certain authenticity to the voice - which isn't to my credit; I was just born there.
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That's the thing, you see, we were never good enough to write proper punchlines.
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Performing in front of an audience gives you an extra ten per cent energy and the chance to react to the instant feedback.
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Our new programmes have always just been different vehicles for the same sort of comedy.
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Before I had my heart problem, if I was asked to do something I would look through a mental file looking for reasons why I could say no.
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House of Fools,' that was the first thing I was sad that we couldn't do any more.
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I come from an era when if you are told that you need a triple heart bypass it sounds pretty terminal. But I think it's quite a normal operation these days.
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I remember when I worked at the solicitor's - you'd go in, talk to your mates for a bit and then get down to work. With us the talking to your mates part never stops.
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There's nothing better than just staring at a buttercup, struggling to make an impact on the world.
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I thought I had a chest infection and went to the doctor - five days later I was under the knife. It came completely out of the blue. My arteries were 95% blocked.
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After I had my heart operation I got really into heart stuff. I did think it would be lovely to go on 'Strictly' just so people could see I wasn't finished. But, sadly, now I couldn't because of my joints. I'd be hobbling around.
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Rheumatoid arthritis generally happens when your immune system attacks your joints, but I've had it attack my iris.
Quote by -Bob Mortimer