Some nights you walk off stage and go 'That was a good crowd.'

I don't get much respect from the industry in general, but that's OK. I didn't get into it for respect. I got into it to make people laugh, and that's what I'm doing. That's all I give a damn about.

The comedians I always loved and respected the most were always filthy degenerates.

When I was up for the film 'Dreamcatcher,' to play the role of an overweight kid, I was told I'm too fat to play the fat guy. That's like telling a Mexican to get a tan.

I loved 'Celebrity Fit Club,' working out six days a week, running a mile and a half three times a week, and doing 1,000 crunches and sit-ups a day with a trainer. I did too much, but I lost 78 pounds of fat and 18 inches around my waist in four months.

I've been enjoying classes at the gym, where people look at me because I'm fat. At the end of the workout, they're sucking air and I've beaten them because I have more heart, because I had it much harder.

I think there's a bias against fat people on network television.

My average fan works for about $20 per hour, if they are lucky enough to have a job. And then factoring in insurance, taxes and such, they're maybe bringing home $15 per hour. If my tickets are just under $30, it took them about two hours of their life to make the money to come see my show. Why shouldn't I give them two hours too?

I don't like being run out of any town.

I wouldn't want my comedy show to hurt anybody. I'm not Donald Trump.

I never wanted to be known as a fat comic, just a comic who happens to be fat.

Fat people are the only people you can still make fun of in this country.

I keep my nose clean. I let the drama go on with somebody else.

I've always been Ralphie, ever since I was a kid. My grandfather was Ralph. It suits me better to be Ralphie.

The overwhelming majority of my material has very little to do with my weight. It's certainly not the crux of my material.

I'm topical as hell. That's not going to change if I lose weight. There are a lot of comics that do 'fat jokes' better than I do - Louie Anderson, John Pinette, Gabriel Iglesias. These guys are phenomenal.

I didn't get into comedy to be loved by everybody.

When I do jokes that maybe are seen as social commentary, I research them to the nth degree. I probably do more research than I do actual joke writing. I want to make sure what I'm saying is correct.

You can have a poli-science degree but if you don't know people, it doesn't do you a bit of good when you're talking to someone.

When I get emotional about something, that's usually when funny comes.

I've never seen myself as a victim because of my physicality. If I did play that game, I wouldn't be the comedian that I am.

Comedy is not about appearance; it's about rockin' a mike. Are they laughing? That's the only test.

In my entire life I've spent maybe three weeks with my dad under the same roof.

People don't know where to place me, and I think that's why my audience is so big.

I've been shortchanged and overlooked my whole life. And if you boo-hoo about everything, that's all you're going to do your whole life.

My jokes aren't predicated on my weight that much. I talk about it some, but it's definitely not the focus, so I don't feel any pressure to stay big.

I know I wanted to be a comic when I was nine. I was thirteen the first time I did it. I was attending a Methodist Church youth retreat at the University of Southern Alabama. They held a talent show on the last night. I won, and then I made out with a 14-year-old girl from Prattville, Alabama.

I see the absurdity in things, and I think it's my job to point it out.

I go out and I meet people after the show, I take every picture that they ask for, I sign every autograph that they want. You know, there's merchandise for sale, but people don't have to buy anything. I'll sign their tickets, I'll sign whatever they want me to, I'll get a picture with them and I'll stay there with them as long as they want.

Jay Mohr saved my life. That's not an overstatement either.

L.A. is not a place where people walk.

Most comics give you what you want. I give you what you need.

So many comics, skinny and fat, make fat jokes.

I've been called a race traitor, prejudiced about white people. It's ridiculous... I have a really, really diverse crowd. Most comedy clubs appeal to white audiences. I have a very mixed crowd. I have a lot of visibility in the black audience.

I'm a dirty, filthy animal and I'm a dirty comedian, but I got a lot of charisma and charm.

Political correctness, to me, is an enemy.

America thinks if you're fat, you're stupid. That's great. I want them to keep thinking that. Let them keep on thinking that because the truth is, the expectations are blown away even more when you realize what I'm saying and doing.

Consumers of comedy, they like me and that's great.

I'm an entertainer first. But I do as a stand up comedian, the way for me to evolve is to make a difference, to make people laugh and learn and do something different. Because there's too many comedians out there just making people laugh. And anybody can do that.

We are all fingers on the same hand. We may not look alike, but we are all needed.

I've had people hate me for my appearance. I think it gets me a certain level of empathy with the audience. If I was white and handsome and privileged, I probably couldn't talk about what I talk about because people wouldn't believe that I have empathy or I could be evenhanded and objective. It's strange.

In L.A., fat people are mythical. We're like Big Foot. 'Oh, yeah, my cousin knows someone who's fat.' Nobody's fat in L.A.

I've had allergies since I was a kid.

My audience expects me to push the limits, to be politically incorrect. I do that because for me, that's the only place where the fun is, when I get to push the boundaries and make people laugh at things that they probably didn't want to laugh at.

I'm not your usual cup of tea.

I'm so Southern that I'm related to myself. I'm actually my own cousin.

California is prejudiced about fat people.

I've got one foot in the grave and another on a banana peel.

There's no getting around it - I am a politically incorrect, racially insensitive, culturally controversial comic, but at least I'm self-aware.

As a man in a relationship, you have a choice: You can be right or you can be happy.