Bin Laden was once targeted by President Clinton. President Clinton wanted to kill him but couldn't get him. Of course not, we all know what kind of aim Clinton has.

The good news is, President Obama was born in America. The bad news is, so was Donald Trump.

Donald Trump says that he will not run for president. You know why? He can't find his birth certificate.

President Obama wants to raise taxes on the country's richest people. And you thought Donald Trump hated him before.

President Obama signed a bill preventing members of Congress from profiting from insider trading. Didn't you think that was already illegal?

On 'Meet the Press' yesterday President Bush was asked what he would do if he lost the election and Bush said, ''Phhh, you mean like last time?'

President Bush has urged people to get back to normal and today Congress announced that they are accepting bribes again.

We're fighting three wars now. Imagine how many we'd be fighting if President Obama hadn't won the Nobel Peace Prize.

Heating bills this winter are the highest they've been in five years, but President Bush has a plan to combat rising bills. It's called global warming.

If President Obama really wants to hurt the Syrian government, don't send cruise missiles. He should send over some of his economic advisers.

Vice President Joe Biden said today that 'Syria must be held accountable.' Unfortunately, the Obama administration has never employed an accountant, so they have no idea how to do that.

President Obama’s approval ratings are so low now, Kenyans are accusing him of being born in the United States.

You know, it shows how old I am. I can remember the good old days when the president picked the Supreme Court justices instead of the other way around.

So China's president [Hu Jintao] meets, uh meets America's president. It's like President "Who?" meeting President "Huh?".

Mitt Romney is predicting that as president, he will create 12 million jobs in his first term. Well, President Obama says a Romney presidency would result in lost jobs. Yeah, his and Biden's.

Folks, tomorrow America will get to hear those four words we've been waiting for: "Former president George Bush".

Not a good night for President Obama. He lost elections in Virginia, New Jersey, and he's not doing good in Afghanistan either.

President Obama was in India yesterday visiting our jobs. Tomorrow he goes to China to visit our money.

Republicans are always criticizing President Obama for using the teleprompter. Is that a big deal? After eight years of George Bush, I'm glad we have a president that can read.

President Obama is coming under criticism now for not meeting with his jobs council. He hasn't met with his jobs council in over six months. You know the reason Obama hasn't met with his job council in six months? They're all out looking for jobs.

Former Vice President Al Gore starring in a new documentary about global warming. I believe it's called [Leno snores]. ... The film actually features Al Gore and explores his journey on how he first got interested in temperature change. It started back when he was vice president. He noticed how the temperature would change, like whenever Bill would walk into the room, it would get warm and whenever Hillary walked into the room, it got cold.

President Bush said global warming is happening much quicker than he thought, and then his staff pulled him aside and said 'It's just springtime.'

President Obama said he is going to use the Gulf disaster to push a new energy bill through Congress. How about using the Gulf disaster to fix the Gulf disaster?

A new poll shows that Americans now believe that Bill Clinton is more honest than President Bush. At least when Clinton screwed the nation, he did it one person at a time.