I can spot a homosexual at forty paces.

You just can't move back with your mom at 64. It just doesn't quite work.

I am not a drag queen.

I have not left the house after 6 o'clock without a paycheck for years.

I really think 'Straight Outta Chattanooga' is one of my best shows.

I had a degree from the University of Tennessee at Chattanooga, where they said, 'Mr. Jordan, please learn to pronounce your degree.' 'Cause I said I have a degree in 'thee-a-ter.'

Growing up, the main thing I was ashamed of was my voice. It is very effeminate.

We've got to be kind.

My gift is to be funny.

I was there when APLA was started in somebody's living room.

We figured out as a community of gay people, we have to take care of our own.

I'd do an exercise video because there are so many gay men with these perfect abs and they do exercise videos. So I did an exercise video where my stomach looked like my water's about to break.

I can entertain myself for hours.

I won an Emmy in 2006!

I'm a true Hollywood success story - knew no one, had no connections.

I'm on the road almost eight months of the year.

Lesbian humor is nothing like gay men's humor. We're sillier.

People are really surprised when they meet me that I'm a recluse. People think I'm very gregarious and outgoing - and I am - I'm thinking about writing a book about it called 'The Gregarious Recluse.' How the more that you put me out there in front of audiences, the more that when I have down time I have to disappear.

I was always the class clown. I was always the funny one.

I grew up riding. From the time I was nineteen years old to the time I was twenty five I exercised race horses.

Time has taught me that parents do the best they can with the light they are seeing with. That is what we all do.

In my head I have had the most torrid affairs with actors I have worked with. You should hear what George Clooney and I have got up to!

In my day there was no one to tell me anything and I feel I have a responsibility to help a new generation. A lady in Atlanta came up to me and said: 'Honey, you are a ministry.' It is about the knowledge I can give others. I think gays will look after their own.

I don't know why all three, my comedic idols are... women.