People say if you're doing an art project, that's different from a book, but I honestly don't see it. I try and try, and I just don't.

Thinking you're immortal is weirdly similar to being immortal.

It's weird when people start sentences with 'frankly' - as if their other sentences don't count.

I know it's not cat food, but what exactly is it that they put inside of tinned ravioli?

You can only fall in love six times in your life. Choose wisely.

The person who needs the other person the least in a relationship is the stronger member.

Star Trek characters never go shopping.

The harder you try to become the opposite of your parents, the more quickly you become them.

Once you see someone lose it, you can never look at them the same way again.

Telling people they look relaxed makes them look relaxed.

New York is a theme park for people with IQs over 108.

There's nothing cure or funny or lovable about being cheap. It's a total turn-off.

Lottery tickets are a surtax on desperation.

A man in a bookstore buys a book on loneliness and every woman in the store hits on him. A woman buys a book on loneliness and the store clears out.

I've got 911 on speed dial.

Life always kills you in the end, but first it prevents you from getting what you want.

If nothing else, we simply get used to being alive.

The future and eternity are two entirely different things.

Men won't read any email from a woman that's over 200 words long.

Where does personality end and brain damage begin?

On TV people look at your hair and then they look at your skin, and then they look at your clothes, and by the time they're listening to what you're saying, you're off the screen.

I find it hard to believe that human beings are the crowning achievement of life on earth. Something better than us has to come along.

What exactly is it that humans do that is specifically human? There has to be something. How odd it is for billions of people to be alive, yet not one of them is really quite sure of what makes people people.

We live in an era with no historical precedents. History is no longer useful as a tool in helping us understand current changes.