"Never say anything bad about a man until you’ve walked a mile in his shoes. By then he’s a mile away, you’ve got his shoes, and you can say whatever you want to."

"Lutherans don't hold bingo games in the church basement. Lutherans are against fun in general, which is why for them, birth control has never been a big issue."

"If you can't read a simple goddam sign and follow one simple goddam instruction then get your fat butt the hell out of here."

"Just because we're fictional characters doesn't mean you can pick us up and move us anywhere you want.--the people of Lake Woebegon"

"A good newspaper is never good enough, but a lousy newspaper is a joy forever."

"The Gospel is meant to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable."

"You're such a big liar you gotta get your neighbor to call your dog."

"Keeping in touch with the people that matter is important."

"Word of "mouth "is the most valuable form of marketing, but you can't buy it. You can only deliver it. And you have to really deliver."

"Learning comes from books; penetration of a mystery from suffering."

"Distrust all in whom the impulse to punish is powerful."

"The voice of beauty speaks softly; it creeps only into the most fully awakened souls"

"Everything the State says is a lie, and everything it has it has stolen."

"Talking much about oneself can also be a means to conceal oneself."

"One repays a teacher badly if one always remains nothing but a pupil."

"There is more wisdom in your body than in your deepest philosophy."

"I know of no better life purpose than to perish in attempting the great and the impossible."

"Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man."

"The most perfidious way of harming a cause consists of defending it deliberately with faulty arguments."

"Is life not a thousand times too short for us to bore ourselves?"

"Become who you are!"

"Is it better to out-monster the monster or to be quietly devoured?"

"To predict the behavior of ordinary people in advance, you only have to assume that they will always try to escape a disagreeable situation with the smallest possible expenditure of intelligence."

"They muddy the water, to make it seem deep."