Say what you will, there is something fine about our old aristocracy. I'll bet Trotsky couldn't hit a moving secretary with an egg on a dark night.

When you have been just told that the girl you love is definitely betrothed to another, you begin to understand how Anarchists must feel when the bomb goes off too soon.

I suppose he must have taken about a nine or something in hats. Shows what a rotten thing it is to let your brain develop too much.

It has been well said that an author who expects results from a first novel is in a position similar to that of a man who drops a rose petal down the Grand Canyon of Arizona and listens for the echo.

Well, you certainly are the most wonderfully woolly baa-lamb that ever stepped.

He was a Frenchman, a melancholy-looking man. His aspect was that of one who has been looking for the leak in a gas pipe with a lighted candle.

When you're alone you don't do much laughing.

Woman is the unfathomable, incalculable mystery, the problem that we men can never hope to solve.

It was my Uncle George who discovered alcohol was a food well in advance of modern medical thought.

She looked like something that might have occured to Ibsen in one of his less frivolous moments.

The ideas of debtor and creditor as to what constitutes a good time never coincide.

Providence looks after all the chumps of this world, and personally, I'm all for it.

No one so dislikes being punished unjustly as the person who might have been punished justly on scores of previous occasions, if he had only been found out.

Why do dachshunds wear their ears inside out?

I spent the afternoon musing on Life. If you come to think of it, what a queer thing Life is! So unlike anything else, don't you know, if you see what I mean.

It is the bungled crime that brings remorse.

Everything is relative. you, for instance, are my relative.

This was not Aunt Dahlia, my good and kindly aunt, but my Aunt Agatha, the one who chews broken bottles and kills rats with her teeth.

I remember her telling me once that rabbits were the gnomes in attendance to the Fairy Queen and that the stars were God's daisy chain. Perfect rot, of course.

I expect I shall feel better after tea.

[I'm] as broke as the ten commandments.

Oh, I don't know, you know, don't you know?

Jeeves, you really are a specific dream-rabbit." "Thank you, miss. I am glad to have given satisfaction.

...it has been well said that it is precisely these moments when we are feeling that ours is the world and everything that's in it that Fate selects for sneaking up on us with the rock in the stocking.