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I classify myself as a comedian, but I'm one of those comedians who also acts so that I can split the difference and feel insecure about both.
Quote by -Chris Gethard
I don't think I'm ugly per se, but on bad days, I have been told that I look like the monster from 'The Hills Have Eyes.' That was extremely confidence-shattering, so I try to take care of myself.
Quote by -Chris Gethard
When I really have it together, I think I successfully pull off looking like the exact middle point between Macklemore and Ron Howard, only with a much bigger forehead than either of them.
Quote by -Chris Gethard
If you are dating someone in New York City, and they invite you over to watch a movie, they don't really want to watch a movie.
Quote by -Chris Gethard
In 2002, I was taking an improv class because, as a white male with glasses who was born between 1978 and 1994, it's legally required that I take at least one improv class in my life.
Quote by -Chris Gethard
By August of 2003, I had graduated from Rutgers, gone through a stretch of living at my parents' house, and wound up sharing an apartment with a college friend of mine in Montclair, New Jersey.
Quote by -Chris Gethard
Bits are fake conversations comedians have because they are uncomfortable being vulnerable with other human beings in any way.
Quote by -Chris Gethard
It's a fun uphill struggle, making health insurance as a comedian, actor, and author. But it's hard to explain to people how I make a living. In New York, most people know enough creative types that I make some sense. But when I'm talking to someone like my suburban cousins or my mom's friends, it doesn't always go smoothly.
Quote by -Chris Gethard
I feel like a lot of performers' worst shows happened in Philly. There's something about that town.
Quote by -Chris Gethard
Shows are my saving grace. In between actual jobs, the only thing that keeps me sane is the knowledge that I can go up on stages.
Quote by -Chris Gethard
There are certain fundamental things that scream, 'I just moved to New York.' Things like eating cheesecake at Junior's or heading out to Coney Island to ride the Cyclone.
Quote by -Chris Gethard
In late 2004, I left my much-maligned home state of New Jersey for the supposedly greener pastures of Astoria, Queens. I'd finally be in the mix, living off the subway line, able to go from audition to audition during the day and from late night show to late night show in the wee hours of the morning.
Quote by -Chris Gethard
Any notable moments spent on a subway usually do nothing more than expose human awfulness at its most pronounced.
Quote by -Chris Gethard
The bad you see in N.Y.C. is troubling to know when it rears its ugly head.
Quote by -Chris Gethard
In 2010, I was the star of a sitcom. It came and went pretty fast. But in the months from when I was cast in the sitcom through when it was done airing, my life did change remarkably.
Quote by -Chris Gethard
When my TV show was in production, dozens of women asked me out on Facebook. Some were shy about it; some were blatant. Some I knew, some were total strangers. But they went for it.
Quote by -Chris Gethard
Having money didn't make me less of a socially incapable loser; it just made me a socially incapable loser who wasn't in debt.
Quote by -Chris Gethard
I'm very happy with my decision to go sober. It's helped my life. It's helped my mental stability.
Quote by -Chris Gethard
I've exceeded the expectations people had for me as an unconfident runt who grew up in North Jersey as well as the expectations I had for myself.
Quote by -Chris Gethard
West Orange, where I grew up, is the hometown of Ian Ziering from 'Beverly Hills, 90210,' Scott Wolf from 'Party of Five,' David Cassidy from the 'Partridge Family,' and Mike Pitt of 'Boardwalk Empire' and 'Dawson's Creek.'
Quote by -Chris Gethard
Part of North Jersey life is that everyone is obsessed with being tough all the time.
Quote by -Chris Gethard
Getting help for my issues was one of the hardest things I've ever done, because when I get dangerously sad or manic, those feelings seek to perpetuate themselves.
Quote by -Chris Gethard
I've taught people in improv classes, then watched them move to Los Angeles to become Emmy winners and movie stars. That experience, for anyone wondering, is both super exciting and also makes you put a microscope on your own life choices. It causes you to question why you still perform stand-up in so many Brooklyn basements.
Quote by -Chris Gethard
I know there are many things California can offer - personally, professionally, meteorologically - that New York can't. It sounds awesome.
Quote by -Chris Gethard
Sometimes I get gigs in weird, artsy places because weird, artsy people embraced my public-access show, which I could only have done in the way I did in New York.
Quote by -Chris Gethard
I am a stereotypical northeasterner. I'm always in a rush. I've attracted stares from out-of-towners when I've shoved past someone blocking the subway door.
Quote by -Chris Gethard
Thank you to anyone who's ever watched or supported 'TCGS.' Even if you checked it out once, hated it, and never checked it out again - thank you for giving us a chance.
Quote by -Chris Gethard
I think there's too many gay jokes in comedy and not enough honest explorations of sexuality.
Quote by -Chris Gethard
I think comics do need permission to fail. I think comics do need permission to go up and try stuff.
Quote by -Chris Gethard
I've said some things on stage where the crowd was like, 'Whoa, that's bad' - and I never say it again because that's the feedback I get.
Quote by -Chris Gethard
I've seen situations where I think comics are really unrealistic about what creative expression and what the artistic freedom, what that entails.
Quote by -Chris Gethard
I think the key to improv is always listening. It's embracing. It's positivity. It's hearing things and not shutting them down.
Quote by -Chris Gethard
I have no desire to get on a soapbox or be preachy. I don't think comedy needs to be 'brave' or 'important.'
Quote by -Chris Gethard
One thing I've realized is that being a nerd has transformed. I like that it's easier to read comic books and, like, 'Lord of the Rings' now. You don't have to get punched in the chest in the gym locker room for that anymore.
Quote by -Chris Gethard