QUOTES by Chelsea Handler
Find most favourite and famour Authors from A.A Milne to Zoe Kravitz.
If you're really looking to hurt somebody's feelings, just break up with them.
Quote by -Chelsea Handler
In a relationship, the sum of your parts should equal more than just you by yourself. He needs to bring something new and different to the table to up the ante.
Quote by -Chelsea Handler
I like the minute when I can get off the stage and go home, and I know I've done a good job.
Quote by -Chelsea Handler
Once you've achieved success, and you're making decisions that are working, I don't understand why anyone would be second-guessing themselves.
Quote by -Chelsea Handler
I wanted to be famous. It's embarrassing to admit, but I came out to L.A. thinking it would happen in no time. I thought, 'Once they see me, they'll be so glad I came.' I always had a ridiculous amount of self-confidence about what was going to happen to me.
Quote by -Chelsea Handler
I want to educate people and deliver news that isn't just surrounded by Charlie Sheen. I'd like to be able to do the serious stuff in conjunction with the comedy.
Quote by -Chelsea Handler
The next step for me is not 'The Tonight Show.' That's a job for Jimmy Fallon. I'm way too divisive for a show like that.
Quote by -Chelsea Handler
I never considered myself a supermodel or anything like that. I mean, I don't think I'm ugly. I have good days and bad days, and I like when I'm fit and lean and all of those things that any woman likes, but it's not the eye of the hurricane for me.
Quote by -Chelsea Handler
I've always had a problem with authority. That's why I had to be my own boss.
Quote by -Chelsea Handler
Can you imagine peaking as a teen? I think if you peak in high school, there's a problem. That's what my sister always said: 'Don't worry, you'll peak later.'
Quote by -Chelsea Handler
I once waited on a group of 10 people, and one guy collected the money from the check and tipped me $20 on $600. I told him in front of everyone, 'Jews like you give Jews like me a bad name.' That was my last waitressing job.
Quote by -Chelsea Handler
My standup is observational, but it's self-observational, and it's self-deprecating, definitely.
Quote by -Chelsea Handler
I started my own business because my parents had no dowry for me, and I was worried. I ran it from their Martha Vineyard's summer house. I baby-sat for a 14-year-old boy all summer and was giving him time-outs, even though I was two years younger than him.
Quote by -Chelsea Handler
We're seeking out such grossness in human behavior and want such mindless entertainment. 'The Real Housewives of Atlanta' and some of these other shows are more racist. Or '16 and Pregnant.' Getting rewarded for being pregnant when you're a teenager? Are you serious?
Quote by -Chelsea Handler
I try to make fun of everyone as often as possible, especially minorities.
Quote by -Chelsea Handler
You can act, or you can't. I'm sure a lot of people who are serious about acting would disagree, but I'm not really worried about them.
Quote by -Chelsea Handler
I remember having a conversation with my sister, saying, 'What if I don't make it? What if I'm still waiting tables when I'm 35?' I was just at the end of my rope. But I've been at the end of that rope several times.
Quote by -Chelsea Handler
My position as the best-selling author at E! is secure - unless Salman Rushdie develops a show with them.
Quote by -Chelsea Handler
Some people have a phobia of midgets. They're, like, scared of them. I have the opposite - I see them, and I want to hold them down, cuddle them, be like, 'Come here, you little nugget. Who's your mommy now?' So cute!
Quote by -Chelsea Handler
I cannot be Mary Hart - or even worse, Samantha Harris - and stand there with my hip out talking about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes taking Suri to an art museum without making fun of it.
Quote by -Chelsea Handler
There's times where you think, 'Gosh, what if nobody ever wants to hear what I have to say?'
Quote by -Chelsea Handler
I definitely don't want to have kids. I don't think I'd be a great mother. I don't want to have a kid and have it raised by a nanny. I don't have the time to raise a child.
Quote by -Chelsea Handler
Anyone who's married to Mariah Carey - I'm pretty sure - doesn't have a great sense of humor. I mean, let's be honest: she's ridiculous. What is her game plan?
Quote by -Chelsea Handler
If you talk about Lindsay Lohan for four or five days a week, you really can't bear to talk about her on the weekends.
Quote by -Chelsea Handler
I'm not friends with any of my exes, and I've never understood the appeal.
Quote by -Chelsea Handler
I'm not trying to be a role model to kids, because I don't have any children, but I do think everyone should have a free spirit.
Quote by -Chelsea Handler
There was never a moment when I was like, 'I'm going to enter the public conversation on the importance of female nudity.'
Quote by -Chelsea Handler
E! has just become a sad, sad place to live. They don't know what they're doing; they have no ideas... everything they do just is a failure.
Quote by -Chelsea Handler
Stand-up was my entree into the entertainment world. I didn't have to act out somebody else's words. I could just stand there with a microphone, and nobody would interrupt me. It's the most narcissistic thing you could probably do.
Quote by -Chelsea Handler
I think if you're gonna do something as silly and lighthearted as entertainment, then why not be interesting when you're doing it?
Quote by -Chelsea Handler
Once I turned 40, my whole life changed in the most mature - not boring way but much cooler way. I feel much more like an adult.
Quote by -Chelsea Handler
Everywhere I go, people ask me about Jennifer Aniston's wedding. Everywhere I go. I always say to her, I'm like, 'Being friends with you is a burden. You think it's hard to be friends with me?'
Quote by -Chelsea Handler
Some men are just disgusted with me and think I should have my mouth sewn shut.
Quote by -Chelsea Handler
I have a huge impact with young girls. Young women. That's my demographic.
Quote by -Chelsea Handler