You know what's funny to me? Attitude.

Struggling is hard because you never know what's at the end of the tunnel.

Whatever you do to gain success, you have to hang in there and hope good things happen. Always think positive.

The old days were the old days. And they were great days. But now is now.

I don't drink much anymore, but when I traveled with Frank Sinatra, God rest his soul, I used to drink like I could do it. He made it a test. In Vegas, the Rat Pack, which I was a little part of, drank all night and slept most of the day. Then, about 5 o'clock, we'd meet in the hotel steam room, lock the door, and steam our brains out.

I did a few movies, but the word 'star'... I cannot compare to a star like Clint Eastwood. I used to call Clint 'Larry Dickman' when he would come to my show; then, he started using the name when he would go under cover in a 'Dirty Harry' movie. That's why he's a movie star... he's so creative.

I was nice to the people in the Philippines for the two and a half years I was there, because I knew eventually I'd have to kiss up to them so my grandchildren could have toys.

You throw your best punch, otherwise don't do it.

Some people call me a legend and the last of the greats, and I appreciate it.

I'm very shy so I became very outgoing to protect my shyness.

When you enter a room, you have to kiss his ring. I don't mind, but he has it in his back pocket.

Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder?

No matter where you go in this world, you will always find a Jew sitting in the beach chair next to you.

Why should I retire? I'm like a fighter. The bell rings, and you come out and fight.

It takes many years to be a great comedian.

Eddie Fisher married to Elizabeth Taylor is like me trying to wash the Empire State Building with a bar of soap.

I like to think I'm like the guy who goes to the office Christmas party Friday night, insults some people, but still has his job Monday morning.

When you stand alone and sell yourself, you can't please everyone. But when you're different, you can last.

I did a picture 40 years ago with Carroll O'Connor and Telly Savalas, God rest their souls, and Clint Eastwood, called 'Kelly's Heroes,' which we filmed in Yugoslavia for six months.

I stopped smoking. But my personality I still have. I get up in the morning, and not everybody loves me, so if you want to call that a bad habit, there's that.

If I have learned anything, it is to keep my wife happy by sending her lavish gifts. Other men can learn from my success and send their wives and girlfriends fresh flowers for birthdays, anniversaries, and of course, Valentine's Day.

An insult is mean or unkind. Milton Berle called me the Sultan of Insult, and I was called the King of Insult. But the guy that gave me the best title - and I use it to this day - was Johnny Carson. He called me Mr. Warmth.

I couldn't sell air conditioners on a 98-degree day. When I demonstrated them in a showroom, I pushed the wrong button and blew the circuit.

My grandchildren just know me now as Mr. Potato Head.

You can't study comedy; it's within you. It's a personality. My humor is an attitude.

I have a wonderful road manager, and he travels with me. And my valet and friend travels with me. My little entourage is great, and they take good care of me.

Las Vegas is the boiling pot of entertainment.

My wife came into my life, and my mother still wanted to be the boss.

I have my own gym. When you do jokes and they sell, you get a gym.

I have a problem, if the light goes on on TV and it blinks midnight, I don't know how to fix it.

I think if I took therapy, the doctor would quit. He'd just pick up the couch and walk out of the room.

To this day, when I say that I went to the American Academy, people are very impressed. The reputation of the school has always been fantastic.

You lose your energy, you lose that excitement and it gets the audience up.

If I were to insult people and mean it, that wouldn't be funny.

Nobody ever dared with Frank, because he had such mood swings, and you never knew how he was going to react. But I could tell the minute I saw him that he was going to be in my corner.

Girls were scared of me because I can be loud. Barbara, my wife of 51 years, is very low-key. She was my picture agent's secretary.

Alan King, a comedian I adored, was considered society, and I was considered the Jewish kid from the neighborhood.

Honestly, I didn't realize it - all of a sudden, I was 90. The years skipped by quickly. When it happened, I said, 'Where did the time go?'

Smartphones. Who cares? Smartphones. I only have dummy phones.

Asians are nice people, but they burn a lot of shirts.

My whole act is off the top of my head.

Frank Sinatra. Hey, Frank, I saw you in 'The Pride and Passion,' and I want to tell you the cannon was wonderful!

Sinatra had a lot of mood swings, but he was wonderful to my wife Barbara and to me. He made no bones about who he liked and who he loved, and he had this great charisma. When he walked into a room, it stopped. I've only seen that happen with Ronald Reagan.

I busted my bird for 60 years in the business, but my grandkids only know me as Mr. Potato Head.

There's a difference between an actual insult and a friendly jab. So I don't think I'm offensive onstage.

The average person pushes an elevator button 6 or 7 minutes before realizing it's not working. I did a study on this, you know.

Everything I've ever done in my whole career, people might not know, I've never written anything down on paper.

They always use the word 'insult' with me, but I don't hurt anybody. I wouldn't be sitting here if I did. I make fun of everybody and exaggerate all our insecurities.

I write my own tweets.

My mother was a Jewish General Patton.