"A child hasn't a grown-up person's appetite for affection. A little of it goes a long way with them; and they like a good imitation of it better than the real thing, as every nurse knows."

"You can easily find people who are ten times as rich at sixty as they were at twenty; but not one of them will tell you that they are ten times as happy"

"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them. But when they are away, we console ourselves for their absence by dwelling on their vices."

"If you injure your neighbour, better not do it by halves."

"Get married, but never to a man who is home all day"

"The secret to success is to offend the greatest number of people"

"Better never than late."

"Go on writing plays, my boy, One of these days one of these London producers will go into his office and say to his secretary, "Is there a play from Shaw this morning?" and when she says, "No," he will say, "Well, then we'll have to start on the rubbish." And that's your chance, my boy."

"You have to choose between trusting to the natural stability of gold and the natural stability of the honesty and intelligence of the members of the government. And, with due respect to these gentlemen, I advise you, as long as the capitalist system lasts, to vote for gold."

"The surest way to ruin a man who doesn't know how to handle money is to give him some."

"Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history that man can never learn anything from history."

"Choose silence of all virtues, for by it you hear other men's imperfections, and conceal your own."

"Man is unique in that he has plans, purpose and goals which require the need for criteria of choice. The need for ethical value is within man whose future may largely be determined by the choice he make"

"People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can't find them, make them."

"We veneer civilization by doing unkind things in a kind way"

"The more I see of the moneyed classes, the more I understand the guillotine."

"The most striking result of our present system of farming out the national land and capital to private individuals has been the division of society into hostile classes, with large appetites and no dinners at one extreme, and large dinners no appetit"

"The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and , if they can't find them, make them."

"Under exciting circumstances, wealth cannot be enjoyed without dishonor, or foregone without misery."

"Civilized society is one huge bourgeoisie: no nobleman dares now shock his greengrocer."

"Find enough clever things to say, and you're a Prime Minister; write them down and you're a Shakespeare"

"The camera can represent flesh so superbly that, if I dared, I would never photograph a figure without asking that figure to take its clothes off."

"You use a glass mirror to see your face; you use works of art to see your soul"

"No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office."

"I showed my appreciation of my native land in the usual Irish way: by getting out of it as soon as I possibly could."

"Folly is the direct pursuit of happiness and beauty"

"Money is the most important thing in the world. It represents health, strength, honor, generosity and beauty as conspicuously as the want of it represents illness, weakness, disgrace, meanness and ugliness."

"Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who looks at it when it has been in the house three days?"

"Life is a flame that is always burning itself out, but it catches fire again every time a child is born"

"Suppose the world were only one of God's jokes, would you work any the less to make it a good joke instead of a bad one?"

"Bad theaters are as mischievous as bad schools."

"Never waste jealousy on a real man: it is the imaginary man that supplants us all in the long run."

"Englishmen hate Liberty and Equality too much to understand them. But every Englishman loves a pedigree."

"People become attached to their burdens sometimes more than the burdens are attached to them."

"Independence? That's middle class blasphemy. We are all dependent on one another, every soul of us on earth."

"I have to live for others and not for myself; that's middle class morality"

"I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work, the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no “brief candle” to me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for the moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations."

"Every person who has mastered a profession is a skeptic concerning it."

"Life is no brief candle to me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got a hold of for the moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it onto future generations."

"The great secret, Eliza, is not having bad manners or good manners or any other particular sort of manners, but having the same manner for all human souls: in short, behaving as if you were in Heaven, where there are no third-class carriages, and one soul is as good as another."

"If Pygmalion is not good enough for your friends with its own verbal music, their talent must be altogether extraordinary."

"Our necessities are few, but our wants are endless."

"He who has never hoped can never despair"

"The government who robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul."

"Democracy substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few."

"I talk democracy to these men and women. I tell them that they have the vote, and that theirs is the kingdom and the power and the glory. I say to them ''You are supreme: exercise your power.'' They say, ''That's right: tell us what to do;'' and I tell them. I say ''Exercise our vote intelligently by voting for me.'' And they do. That's democracy; and a splendid thing it is too for putting the right men in the right place."

"Democracy is a device that insures we shall be governed no better than we deserve."

"When I was young I observed that nine out of every ten things I did were failures, so I did ten times more work"

"Ladies and gentleman are permitted to have friends in the kennel, but not in the kitchen."

"Two percent of the people think; three percent of the people think they think; and ninety-five percent of the people would rather die than think."