"People always get tired of one another. I grow tired of myself whenever I am left alone for ten minutes, and I am certain that I am fonder of myself than anyone can be of another person."

"Do not love your neighbour as yourself. If you are on good terms with yourself it is an impertinence; if on bad, an injury."

"An election is a moral horror, as bad as a battle except for the blood; a mud bath for every soul concerned in it."

"Think of the fierce energy concentrated in an acorn! You bury it in the ground, and it explodes into an oak! Bury a sheep, and nothing happens but decay."

"The nations morals are like its teeth, the more decayed they are the more it hurts to touch them"

"When the military man approaches, the world locks up its spoons and packs off its womankind"

"The things most people want to know about are usually none of their business."

"The first condition of progress is the removal of censorship."

"Censorship ends in logical completeness when nobody is allowed to read any books except the books nobody reads."

"The world is populated in the main by people who should not exist"

"If more than ten percent of the population likes a painting it should be burned, for it must be bad."

"We don't bother much about dress and manners in England, because as a nation we don't dress well and we've no manners"

"In order to fully realize how bad a popular play can be, it is necessary to see it twice."

"The Indian way of life provides the vision of the natural, real way of life. We veil ourselves with unnatural masks. On the face of India are the tender expressions which carry the mark of the Creator's hand. In the face of an Indian, you can see the natural glory of life, while we have covered ourselves with an artificial cloak."

"Imagination is the beginning of creation. You imagine what you desire..."

"Science... never solves a problem without creating ten more."

"We are all dependent on one another, every soul of us on earth."

"If all the economists were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion."

"A genius is a person who is seeing further and probing deeper than other people has a different set of ethical valuations from their and has energy enough to give effect to this extra vision and its valuations in whatever manner best suits his or her"

"I am sick of reasonable people: they see all the reasons for being lazy and doing nothing."

"When a thing is funny, search it for a hidden truth."

"There is no satisfaction in hanging a man who does not object to it."

"My way of joking is telling the truth; that is the funniest joke in the world"

"He who can, does. He who cannot, teaches."

"The only service a friend can really render is to keep up your courage by holding up to you a mirror in which you can see a noble image of yourself."

"The most tragic thing in the world is a man of genius who is not a man of honor"

"I am a gentleman: I live by robbing the poor."

"If the announcer can produce the impression that he is a gentlemen, he may pronounce as he pleases."

"Absolute honesty is as absurd an abstraction as an absolute temperature or an absolute value."

"We must make the world honest before we can honestly say to our children that honesty is the best policy."

"I tell you that as long as I can conceive something better than myself I cannot be easy unless I am striving to bring it into existence or clearing the way for it."

"Indifference is the essence of inhumanity"."

"Physically there is nothing to distinguish human society from the farm-yard except that children are more troublesome and costly than chickens and calves and that men and women are not so completely enslaved as farm stock."

"There is nothing that can be changed more completely than human nature when the job is taken in hand early enough."

"Imagination is the beginning of creation. You imagine what you desire; you will what you imagine; and at last you create what you will."

"You see things and you say, Why? But I dream things that never were and say, Why not?"

"Though all society is founded on intolerance, all improvement is founded on tolerance"

"Men are not governed by justice, but by law or persuasion. When they refuse to be governed by law or persuasion, they have to be governed by force or fraud, or both."

"Golf is typical capitalist lunacy."

"There are scores of thousands of human insects who are ready at a moment's notice to reveal the Will of God on every possible subject"

"Government is not every body's job. It is a highly skilled vocation."

"If you leave the smallest corner of your head vacant for a moment, other people's opinions will rush in from all quarters"

"As long as I can conceive something better than myself I cannot be easy unless I am striving to bring it into existence or clearing the way for it."

"Better keep yourself clean and bright. You are the window through which you must see the world."

"I would like to take you seriously, but to do so would be an affront to your intelligence."

"The worst sin... is... to be indifferent."

"The minority is sometimes right; the majority always wrong."

"We know there is intention and purpose in the universe, because there is intention and purpose in us."

"Put an Irishman on the spit and you can always get another Irishman to turn him."

"Do not try to live forever. You will not succeed."