I think being boring is just the worst sin of all time.

You cannot tell an audience a lie. They know it before you do; before it's out of your mouth, they know it's a lie.

There will always be ladies who lunch. Always. And apparently they live a long time.

I don't think there's any thrill in the world like doing work you're good at.

There's certainly nothing lasting and definite about the theater.

I always say, 'If you can't give a reason for the banana peel being in the alley, then don't have the comic slide over it.' Do you understand what I mean? First explain how the banana peel got there quickly. And then there's a reason for all the comedy.

Diabetes is a lousy, lousy disease.

I don't want to see my family all the time, and they're delighted, I'm sure, to be aware of that.

I compare Stephen Sondheim with humor, because humor is unanalyzable. You can't analyze humor. You just have to get through it.

My idea of serenity - that wonderful word that everybody's trying to get into their life - is call-waiting.

All you have to do is say, 'I'm going home,' and you're the most popular girl at the party.

I love holidays in New York. I love 'em. I want to celebrate something all the time, and New York has holidays for every day of the week, practically. I like holidays in New York City.

I just serve others through entertaining. That's when I am happy.

Dying is easy. Comedy is hard.

I don't have to go to a doctor and have my face changed. It terrifies me that women do that.

I have no intention of retiring. Even my blood sugar is better when I'm working.

New Yorkers stop me on the street all the time to say, 'You're terrific! You're the nuts!'

All of the writing on '30 Rock' is a joy to go into. It's pretty hot stuff.

I like being talked about. I think some people really don't... because they're secure enough and they don't need that.

I find it easier to abstain than do a little bit of anything. I'm not a 'little bit' kind of dame. I want it all, whatever I do.

I am not influenced by other human beings. But I am inspired.

If I see a great performance on television, onstage, in the movies, I go to work the next day with a renewed energy and less fear. These great artists take me out of my life and make me want to go there.

There's something that really frightens me - and that's fear.

I'm a hotel baby, absolutely: it's hard to think of a hotel I haven't stayed in.

I think it's the wrong way around to say, 'When you get older move to the country.' I think when you get older you move to New York.

I care about money, very much. I want it. I don't ever want to be without it. My mother once said about me, 'Elaine has to have money.'

When I want to do something badly enough, I do it, but there is a practical side of me that thinks I should be paid fairly.

What I want to understand is what I am talking about on the stage. What I don't want to understand is what the government is talking about when the government tells me about taxes.

I never found anyone who could look after me as well as I could look after myself.

I think the most interesting New Yorkers are the people who were not born here.

I do believe in the infallibility of the Pope, because I think we have to believe in something.

I love reviews. Anybody who tells you they don't read reviews is a liar.

For me, going to London is like coming home. In fact, I've often entertained the idea of ending my days there.

As a diabetic, I'm a walking picnic. I have to eat measured amounts of food at certain times.

The closer a part is to you, the harder it is to play. Anything else is just imitation. If I'm playing a Russian countess, I get the hat, the accent, the outrageousness. Easy. Playing a murderess? Perfect.

This age thing is all up to you. It's like happiness is up to you. You just have to understand what it is before you get it.

I don't wear a wig. I'd feel terrible onstage with a wig. I hate to be so 'Actors Studio'-ish, but I like to feel it's me out there.

I tell the truth, and it has gotten me into a lot of trouble. My dad used to say to me, 'If you tell the truth all day long, you will end up in jail.'

I have not had any of that surgical stuff. I am too curious to find out exactly how I progress every day of my life naturally. That is what fascinates me.

Fear is the base of what everybody does wrong in their lives.

My movie career - if such a thing even exists - is laughable.

Why haven't I made more movies? Nobody asked me.

Certain type of actresses get younger instead of older. I always say, 'Only ingenues age.'

When I'm playing comedy, it is such a crap shoot of what will work and what won't.

I don't want to see a movie twice. I don't want to do anything twice.

Audiences are not strangers to me. They're the best friends I've got in my life.

I can't explain chemistry. I really can't. I haven't got a clue what it's all about. It just happens. It's like falling in love. You can't explain why you fall in love or explain why it's this particular person.

I don't have a great talent for explaining myself in acting because I can't explain it.

Making clever speeches takes a lot of work and a lot of time.

You have to be very, very good looking to get ahead in motion pictures.