I think being boring is just the worst sin of all time.

You cannot tell an audience a lie. They know it before you do; before it's out of your mouth, they know it's a lie.

There will always be ladies who lunch. Always. And apparently they live a long time.

I don't think there's any thrill in the world like doing work you're good at.

There's certainly nothing lasting and definite about the theater.

I always say, 'If you can't give a reason for the banana peel being in the alley, then don't have the comic slide over it.' Do you understand what I mean? First explain how the banana peel got there quickly. And then there's a reason for all the comedy.

Diabetes is a lousy, lousy disease.

I don't want to see my family all the time, and they're delighted, I'm sure, to be aware of that.

I compare Stephen Sondheim with humor, because humor is unanalyzable. You can't analyze humor. You just have to get through it.