I've never been the kind of woman that hates other women, particularly based on their attractiveness.

It's only through aging and going through heartbreak and loss and successes and failures that you can look back and look at the mistakes some young people make.

I'm not winning any modeling awards, I'm not a Rhodes Scholar, but I genuinely feel that if you're taking time out of your day and your energy to comment on my art, then I got your attention.

I would tell my 23-year-old self to be friends with more comics.

I've been entertaining men with my comedy for many, many years, and I don't plan on stopping.

I think more than anything, as a comedian, I grow tired of the unoriginality of 'crazy cat lady' jokes. It's a hacky joke based on an already-played-out stereotype.

Women are often scrutinized when they have pets that men wouldn't have. We are immediately faulted for having the wrong kind of pet rather than anyone first think, 'Wow, she rescued an animal that would have been otherwise killed and gave them a great home - how sweet!'

To be labeled pathetic because you enjoy the company of a loving creature who is always down to hang out, sleep, and eat with you is unfair.

The world is a scary place. Even my mother has suggested I take a self defense class.

What I have found that my comedy is doing - and what really drives me - is to sort of bring women together through pointing out why we act so crazy.

I was frustrated in general with the way women are always portrayed. And it's always through a man's eyes.

I remember playing a college in Michigan, and they all held up their hand to show me where they live, which made me wonder what weird alien cult I had entered.

There's nothing 'flash in the pan' about my career. It's been built fan by fan, city by city.

There's no anger in my act towards anyone other than myself... and maybe airlines.

I was a huge 'Blind Date' fan, though, when I was younger; that was on when I was in high school.

I'm certainly not a supermodel.

If a guy is just genuine and honest, girls gravitate towards that, and girls love it when you open up.

I really respect my craft and obligation to my audience.

I really respect Samantha Bee.

There should be an F.A.A. fine for those who bring hot food that emits odor onto the plane. You're deemed selfish, and you have to take some sort of social awareness class.

Always be nice to the front desk staff because they can choose to make your life a living hell, and they'll remember you.

When you travel, try having an open mind, not just about the city that you're in but about the surrounding areas.

I think a big part of feminism - and this is something I'm sure a bunch of women will take my head off for - but a big part of feminism is women allowing other women to just be the kind of women that they are.

I think we're very quick to rip other women apart when they don't fit our mold, which, quite frankly, is just as bad as a man tearing you down for something, if not worse.

It's never occurred to me - and I don't know what right mixture of upbringing this was - that my opinion wasn't as important as the alpha males or that I shouldn't try or that I wasn't the funniest one in the room.

I think that it's an easy thing to say, that whenever women do stand up, that 'Oh, they must hate men' - and I'm like, 'Well, if you listen carefully, it's actually a lovely tutorial that I wouldn't give to men unless I cared.'

I used to take a recorder around and interview my parents and do impressions of my classmates as guests on my show.

I have the comedic chops and intelligence to raise points and discuss both sides of whatever is on our mind as a society.

I'm really good at saying what other people are thinking and making it relatable.

I'm pale, and people need to accept that I'm almost see-through.

If you think you're good enough, then you find it preposterous when somebody doesn't acknowledge that... That's propelled me in many ways - maybe thinking I deserve things that I don't at some time. But I'm always willing to put in the work.

We're so hard on ourselves, and there's a freedom in realizing that we're our toughest critics.

I don't write anything. It's all done onstage, which is why I always tell younger comics that they just have to go do it. You have to get up, talk, and take a thought or a word and just expound, and you find it in there. I don't sit down and write.

I want girls to know that whatever you're feeling, I'm feeling too. All the things that you think make you crazy, it's OK to feel that way, and I'm gonna tell you why we feel that way.

There was a sketch group at Emerson, and if you could believe it, we were the cool kids. That's how Emerson rolls. I was a film major, but I spent most of my time doing that.

Like any other creative person, I would make home videos, and I would make sketches with my friends, and I would make my own movies, so I have some love for the creative process.

A lot of comedians are really funny onstage, but they can't do a podcast.

Part of being a comic is being flexible, being versatile.

I'm a huge sketch comedy fan, and I think my love of sketch is reflected in my stand-up in that I do a lot of vignettes and voices and characters.

The more comprehensive your language is, the more likely people are to believe everything you're saying. It really just comes from the power of knowing you're the smartest person in the room, and if you aren't, you're definitely going to sound like it.

I grew up in a bit of a vacuum. And as a kid, you see 'Monty Python's Flying Circus' and you're like, 'Oh, it's a cartoon.' There's mixed media. It's funny, and there's stop-motion. But as an adult, you figure it out, how the entire underpinnings of their comedy was poking fun at the rank and file of the British aristocracy and the monarchy.

Whether it be the gym or telling a guy to stop mistreating me or getting through school with a C+ average but making people think I'm much smarter... it's all about strength and how you wear it.

I get my strength from wanting to teach other women that everything about you is OK, and you shouldn't take any crap from anyone.

I love getting insight into what makes actors tick.

I didn't get an agent until after 'Last Comic Standing' - of course, getting on a show like that will get you attention.

I got a job as a coat check girl at a nightclub - this was in my first few months of being in L.A.

Sounds are something that I always emulate - I'll walk around, and if a coffee pot goes off or a phone rings, I'll often mimic the sound. To me, everything's got a voice.

I don't want to hear any more women talk about how they want to be... mermaids.

The amount of garbage that women are expected to put up with - we're just expected to ignore when a man whistles at us. And it never makes us feel good - it always makes us feel unsafe.

I was a big fan of sketch comedy and cartoons growing up.