QUOTES by Limmy
Find most favourite and famour Authors from A.A Milne to Zoe Kravitz.
I think I was an alcoholic. There are all these grey areas about what makes you an alcoholic - you can't cope without it, you stop caring about jobs and relationships, or you just binge.
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With the Internet I just love how anything goes, especially in the light of this whole Sachsgate.
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Aye aye, I'm not one of these people that hate Christmas. Some people think it's all fake, but I like that kind of thing. It's like Las Vegas. I know this isnae really the Eiffel Tower and that isnae really the Statue of Liberty, but it's just a bit of fun.
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Daft Wee Stories' is, as the title says, daft wee stories. I just sort of rattled them out, tried to make them quite funny, with punchlines - they're kind of like sketches.
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I think on my passport form I described myself as 'entertainer,' filling it in, in a Post Office or something. I felt like I should be doing jazz hands when I wrote that, but I don't do anything else really.
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People who give off about fat-shaming and body-shaming are often the same people who talk about Trump's hair or how fat he is, or how old he is. The size of his hands and his fingers - that's the big one: let's all have a big laugh at his hands.
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If you run about trying to make people like you all the time you'd never get anything done.
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I write in quite a simple way because that's just the way I write. The vocab I use is quite wee. That's just the way I talk.
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People say what they think online because it's not to your face. That's a good thing. You don't really want people just being nice to you with their opinions.
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Being in somebody else's thing and saying their words and not having any right to change it - I don't know how I'd deal with that. I'd like to think I could do it, but I just know I've got a dead particular taste.
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I was reading some Raymond Carver. I really liked how he did that 'slice of life' thing. Because I'm not much of a reader I end up finding out about these things a long time after other people.
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My son likes Doctor Seuss books, but they're right tongue twisters. You get to certain bits and you stumble your words and it makes you feel like an idiot.
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When streaming came out years ago I loved it. I loved having an audience, I loved chatting away and looking at a live chat and now on Twitch you can actually get a career at it.
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I'm alright with being disliked rather than trying to be perfect, because you get to relax then.
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Sometimes there were certain things in 'Limmy's Show' where I'd be having to come up with six episodes and as a result there was stuff in there that wasn't my favourite and I'd think, 'ach I'll shove that in this episode.'
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I'm genuine! I've not got some dark, shadowy corporation behind me pulling the strings.
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I love saying terrible things. Things that I think are terrible and I've gotten in to trouble in the past - just hearing it come out of my mouth or seeing it typed and seeing it out there - something terrible that in real life isn't funny.
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I'm not a mad genius or anything, but I'm just constantly driven to make things up, but I wonder who I'm doing all this for?
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You can get too involved with all the wee things in life, but the most important thing is you're alive and well.
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There's nothing quite like sitting watching the telly on a Saturday night. It has such a nice, homely feel.
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I mean, maybe I'm alternative in that my stuff's not mainstream, doesn't want to be mainstream, could never be mainstream.
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I think most people like a bit of freedom and hearing things that they might not agree with, rather than just having everybody shutting their mouths.
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Actually, I just want to entertain people. Put that in my obituary, a final picture, all dark in the background.
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The word 'cult' is almost a nice way of saying a lot of people hate you, or have never heard of you. It means someone can come up to me in the street who's really into my stuff, who's seen everything I've done, but the guy standing beside them has no idea who I am. Even in Glasgow. I think that's cult.
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There are so many different ways of making people laugh and sometimes you sit down to watch something that everyone says is hilarious and within a couple of minutes you realise its comedy that isn't for you.
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I love 'The Twilight Zone,' the original black and white ones with Rod Serling's wee bit at the beginning.
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I've been told to 'man up' after talking about depression on Twitter. Man up means 'be strong because that's what a man is.' And they don't just mean physical strength, they mean emotional strength. What, because men get into fights or go to wars to fight? It should be 'woman up.'
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I like some of my stuff not to be particularly funny. It's supposed to be amusing, entertaining or thought-provoking, like a curiosity. If you put it on in front of 500 people in the Odeon they wouldn't laugh. They shouldn't laugh.
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One thing I like to do is visit technical forums and ask for help regarding an entirely fictitious problem I'm having with my software. When I receive help, I say, 'Nope. Didn't work.' If they guide me to a button to click, I say, 'Nope. Can't see it.' Sometimes I just reply with nothing but 'Nope,' and it drives them up the wall.
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With my upbringing and where I grew up, people slagged people. If you slagged them, they'd slag you back... I know it pales in comparison to genuine issues that people have got, but I've had people slagging my stuff off on my blog and my website for years.
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I don't want Scotland to be more important than England. There's just a cancer of low self-esteem in Scotland and a general feeling that if we were to break away it would be game over and we would be bankrupt. If that is the case then that's exactly what we should do. Why are we, a country that would be bankrupt, leaching off another one?
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When I was wee, in the middle of the summer, the big field behind the shops would be filled with dry grass and I'd get a box of matches. You chuck one match on that and the whole thing goes up in flames. Twitter's a bit like that. You can just say one thing and it explodes from there.
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I've always had something a wee bit up with me, but I think it's some kind of learning difficulty. It's always been something.
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