Humor Quotes
Find one of the best and famous quote catagorized into topics like inspirational, motivations, deep, thoughtful, art, success, passion, frindship, life, love and many more.
“There is a fatality about good resolutions – that they are always made too late”
Quote by -Oscar Wilde
“For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much—the wheel, New York, wars and so on—whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man—for precisely the same reasons.”
Quote by -Douglas Adams
“There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.
Quote by -Douglas Adams
“Space is big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the chemist's, but that's just peanuts to space.”
Quote by -Douglas Adams
“It is known that there are an infinite number of worlds, simply because there is an infinite amount of space for them to be in. However, not every one of them is inhabited. Therefore, there must be a finite number of inhabited worlds. Any finite number divided by infinity is as near to nothing as makes no odds, so the average population of all the planets in the Universe can be said to be zero. From this it follows that the population of the whole Universe is also zero, and that any people you may meet from time to time are merely the products of a deranged imagination.”
Quote by -Douglas Adams
“It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes.”
Quote by -Douglas Adams
“He attacked everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence, and it was often difficult to tell which was which.”
Quote by -Douglas Adams
“One of the things Ford Prefect had always found hardest to understand about humans was their habit of continually stating and repeating the very very obvious.”
Quote by -Douglas Adams
“We are stuck with technology when what we really want is just stuff that works.”
Quote by -Douglas Adams
“He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife.”
Quote by -Douglas Adams
“It can hardly be a coincidence that no language on earth has ever produced the expression, 'As pretty as an airport.”
Quote by -Douglas Adams
“If I ever meet myself,' said Zaphod, 'I'll hit myself so hard I won't know what's hit me.”
Quote by -Douglas Adams
“My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre and that I am therefore excused from saving universes.”
Quote by -Douglas Adams
“I don't accept the currently fashionable assertion that any view is automatically as worthy of respect as any equal and opposite view. My view is that the moon is made of rock. If someone says to me 'Well, you haven't been there, have you? You haven't seen it for yourself, so my view that it is made of Norwegian Beaver Cheese is equally valid' - then I can't even be bothered to argue. There is such a thing as the burden of proof, and in the case of god, as in the case of the composition of the moon, this has shifted radically. God used to be the best explanation we'd got, and we've now got vastly better ones. God is no longer an explanation of anything, but has instead become something that would itself need an insurmountable amount of explaining. So I don't think that being convinced that there is no god is as irrational or arrogant a point of view as belief that there is. I don't think the matter calls for even-handedness at all.”
Quote by -Douglas Adams
“The Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy also mentions alcohol. It says that the best drink in existence is the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster, the effect of which is like having your brains smashed out with a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick.”
Quote by -Douglas Adams
“We have normality. I repeat, we have normality. Anything you still can't cope with is therefore your own problem.”
Quote by -Douglas Adams
“The first ten million years were the worst," said Marvin, "and the second ten million years, they were the worst too. The third ten million years I didn't enjoy at all. After that I went into a bit of a decline.”
Quote by -Douglas Adams
“Can't stand all these poisonous creatures, all these snakes and insects and fish and things. Wretched things, biting everybody. And then people expect me to tell them what to do about it. I'll tell them what to do. Don't get bitten in the first place. (quoting Dr. Struan Sutherland)”
Quote by -Douglas Adams
“There was a point to this story, but it has temporarily escaped the chronicler's mind.”
Quote by -Douglas Adams
“A gentleman will not insult me, and no man not a gentleman can insult me.”
Quote by -Frederick Douglass
“The source of my difficulties has always been the same: an inability to accept what to others seems natural, and an irresistible tendency to voice opinions no one wants to hear . . .”
Quote by -Isabel Allende
“...when everything else fails, we communicate in the language of the stars”
Quote by -Isabel Allende
“This is the kind of detail that is forbidden in literature; in a book, no one would dare combine a full moon with Frank Sinatra. The problem with fiction is that it must seem credible, while reality seldom is.”
Quote by -Isabel Allende
“Some people think they have discernment when actually they are just suspicious..
Quote by -Joyce Meyer
Suspicion comes out of the unrenewed mind; discernment comes out of the renewed spirit.”
Quote by -Joyce Meyer
“Don't you get tired of seeing so many "non-conformists" with the same non-conformist look?”
Quote by -Thomas Sowell
“Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.”
Quote by -J K Rowling
“I'm going to keep going until I succeed — or die. Don't think I don't know how this might end. I've known it for years.”
Quote by -J K Rowling
“But Dumbledore says he doesn't care what they do as long as they don't take him off the Chocolate Frog cards.”
Quote by -J K Rowling
“You think the dead we loved truly ever leave us? You think that we don't recall them more clearly in times of great trouble?”
Quote by -J K Rowling
“From now on, I don't care if my tea leaves spell 'Die, Ron, Die,' I'm chucking them in the bin where they belong.”
Quote by -J K Rowling
“Sometimes you remind me a lot of James. He called it my 'furry little problem' in company. Many people were under the impression that I owned a badly behaved rabbit.”
Quote by -J K Rowling
“Differences of habit and language are nothing at all if our aims are identical and our hearts are open.”
Quote by -J K Rowling
“Don’t put your wand there, boy! ... Better wizards than you have lost buttocks, you know!”
Quote by -J K Rowling