Humor Quotes
Find one of the best and famous quote catagorized into topics like inspirational, motivations, deep, thoughtful, art, success, passion, frindship, life, love and many more.
"If a guy is over 25 percent jerk, he's in trouble. And Henry was 95 percent."
Quote by -Lee Iacocca
"A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs-jolted by every pebble in the road."
Quote by -Henry Ward Beecher
"A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It's jolted by every pebble on the road."
Quote by -Henry Ward Beecher
"Well, I mean, if a joke or humor is bawdy, it's got to be funny enough to warrant it. You can't just have it bawdy or dirty just for the sake of being that - it's got to be funny."
Quote by -Betty White
"That's what's so great about the Internet. It allows pompous blow-hards to connect with other pompous blow-hards in a vast circle-jerk of pomposity."
Quote by -Freddie Mercury
"I wouldn't touch a hot dog unless you put a condom on it! You realize that the job of a hot dog is to use parts of the animal that the Chinese can't figure out how to make into a belt? -timecode 1:11:10"
Quote by -Freddie Mercury
"The true axis of evil in America is the brilliance of our marketing combined with the stupidity of our people."
Quote by -Freddie Mercury
"If a fourteen year-old can deliver your message, it's not because he's gifted. It's because intellectually, you're a child."
Quote by -Bill Maher
"If we stopped calling it profiling and started calling it "proactive intelligence screening" or "high alert detecting", people would be saying "Well, it's about time"."
Quote by -Bill Maher
"Not doing anything is doing something and choosing to look away is a passive but no less mortal sin."
Quote by -Bill Maher
"I hate stupidity, but what I hate even more is when people actually brag about it."
Quote by -Bill Maher
"You would think there is a higher bar than having a Facebook page to run for president."
Quote by -Bill Maher
"My personal savior is common sense. And as far as God goes, I prefer to believe in one that would want me to use the excellent brain he gave us all."
Quote by -Bill Maher
"We're a complacent society, hard to get riled up in the first place, and then when we do, it's misdirected."
Quote by -Bill Maher
"My bank must stop trying to sell me identity theft protection. You know why I expect you to protect my money? Because you're a bank."
Quote by -Bill Maher
"New Rule: You don't have to put the cap back on the bottled water after every sip. It's water, not a genie."
Quote by -Bill Maher
"Women are also property in our bible; adultery is a property crime in the Old Testament, not a sex crime."
Quote by -Bill Maher
"Last week, I suggested the candidates take up mushrooms. I’ll be damned if Rick Perry didn’t take me up on that."
Quote by -Bill Maher
"Americans today confuse freedom with not being asked to sacrifice. The fact that you can't have everything you want exactly when you want it has somehow become un-American."
Quote by -Bill Maher
"If somebody asks if you tweeted your penis and your answer is anything other than "No," you tweeted your penis."
Quote by -Bill Maher
"They were on the set of Bad Santa but I tried to keep the headphones away from them. My kids have seen Sling Blade, they've seen Armageddon, Bandits and Friday Night Lights. They have not seen Monster's Ball, nor will they ever, even when they're sixty [laughter]. I will leave it in my will that they can never see it."
Quote by -Billy Bob Thornton
"You can write when you're dyslexic, you just can't read it. But I started writing short stories as a child and I found the short story format a real nice one. I love short stories and I love short documentaries or short films of any kind."
Quote by -Billy Bob Thornton
"It ain’t no secret No secret my friend You can get killed just for living In your American skin"
Quote by -Bruce Springsteen
"We live in America,' he said. 'Everyone who speaks English understands you. How they interpret you is something else."
Quote by -Carrie Fisher
"And not that it matters, but my mother is not a lesbian! She's just a really, really bad heterosexual."
Quote by -Carrie Fisher
"Never let 'em see you ache. That's what Mr. Mayer used to say. Or was it ass? Never let 'em see your ass."
Quote by -Carrie Fisher