"Sometimes the sins you haven't committed are all you have left to hold onto."

"Everyone looks retarded once you set your mind to it."

"If I could believe in myself, why not give other improbabilities the benefit of the doubt?"

"Like all of my friends, she's a lousy judge of character."

"I haven't the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective candidates just in case I should ever figure it out."

"We were not a hugging people. In terms of emotional comfort it was our belief that no amount of physical contact could match the healing powers of a well made cocktail."

"If you aren't cute, you may as well be clever."

"Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you're offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone's feelings"

"If you read someone else's diary, you get what you deserve."