QUOTES by David Sedaris

Find most favourite and famour Authors from A.A Milne to Zoe Kravitz.

"Right, I breast feed baby camels in my backyard just for the freaking fun of it. Just tell me where you live, Pinocchio, and save the baloney for lunch."

Quote by - David Sedaris

(0) Like

(0) Favourite

(0) Comment

Download

"Jeremy, Good luck on your first marriage."
Quote by -

David Sedaris

(0) Like

(0) Favourite

(0) Comment

"It's unrealistic to live your life within such strict parameters."
Quote by -

David Sedaris

(0) Like

(0) Favourite

(0) Comment

"I see you that have a little swimming mouse"
Quote by -

David Sedaris

(0) Like

(0) Favourite

(0) Comment

"If you stepped out of the shower and saw a leprechaun standing at the base of your toilet, would you scream, or would you innately understand that he meant you no harm?"
Quote by -

David Sedaris

(0) Like

(0) Favourite

(0) Comment

"We give anonymously because the sackfuls of thank-you letters break our hearts with their clumsy handwriting and hopeless phonetic spelling."
Quote by -

David Sedaris

(0) Like

(0) Favourite

(0) Comment

"The landscape is best described as 'pedestrian hostile.' It's pointless to try to take a walk, so I generally just stay in the room and think about shooting myself in the head."
Quote by -

David Sedaris

(0) Like

(0) Favourite

(0) Comment

"My feet are completely flat, but for most of my life they were still shaped like feet. Now, thanks to bunions, they're shaped more like states, wide boring ones that nobody wants to drive through."
Quote by -

David Sedaris

(0) Like

(0) Favourite

(0) Comment

"If a person who constantly reads is labeled a bookworm, then I was quickly becoming what might be called a tapeworm."
Quote by -

David Sedaris

(0) Like

(0) Favourite

(0) Comment

"They were Jesuits," she told me. "That means they believe in God but not in terlet paper. You should have seen their underwear. Disgusting."
Quote by -

David Sedaris

(0) Like

(0) Favourite

(0) Comment

"The message was that if something is free, you should only take the best. If, on the other hand, you're forced to pay, it's best to lower the bar and not be so choosy."
Quote by -

David Sedaris

(0) Like

(0) Favourite

(0) Comment

"The Greeks had invented democracy, built the Acropolis and called it a day."
Quote by -

David Sedaris

(0) Like

(0) Favourite

(0) Comment

"I had to wrestle daily with both my inadequacy and my uncontrollable jealousy. I didn't want to kill her, but hoped someone else might do the job for me."
Quote by -

David Sedaris

(0) Like

(0) Favourite

(0) Comment

"Snowball "just "leads elves on, elves and Santas. He is playing a dangerous game."
Quote by -

David Sedaris

(0) Like

(0) Favourite

(0) Comment

"My first semester I had only nine students. Hoping they might view me as professional and well prepared, I arrived bearing name tags fashioned in the shape of maple leaves."
Quote by -

David Sedaris

(0) Like

(0) Favourite

(0) Comment

"I didn't know about the rest of the class, but when Bastille Day eventually rolled around, I planned to stay home and clean my oven."
Quote by -

David Sedaris

(0) Like

(0) Favourite

(0) Comment

"I giggled out loud at his stupidity. If anyone knew how to make a bed, it was a faggot."
Quote by -

David Sedaris

(0) Like

(0) Favourite

(0) Comment

"As bad a dresser as I am, anything beats being judged by my character."
Quote by -

David Sedaris

(0) Like

(0) Favourite

(0) Comment

"But all of a sudden they’re poets, right, like that’s all it takes — being in love."
Quote by -

David Sedaris

(0) Like

(0) Favourite

(0) Comment

"Watch, hell,' Walt said. 'This is strip poker. What kind of homo wants to sit around and watch four guys get naked?"
Quote by -

David Sedaris

(0) Like

(0) Favourite

(0) Comment

"I can't seem to fathom that the things important to me are not important to other people as well, and so I come off sounding like a missionary, someone whose job it is to convert rather than listen."
Quote by -

David Sedaris

(0) Like

(0) Favourite

(0) Comment

"Nobody pours stuffing like you do, my friend."
Quote by -

David Sedaris

(0) Like

(0) Favourite

(0) Comment

"I've always had a way with the little people, making it a point to humor them without looking down my nose at their wasted empty lives."
Quote by -

David Sedaris

(0) Like

(0) Favourite

(0) Comment

"Well, that's a hell of a reason to poison yourself."
Quote by -

David Sedaris

(0) Like

(0) Favourite

(0) Comment

"In Japanese and Italian, the response to ["How are you?"] is "I'm fine, and you?" In German it's answered with a sigh and a slight pause, followed by "Not so good."
Quote by -

David Sedaris

(0) Like

(0) Favourite

(0) Comment

"It make one's mouth hurt to speak with such forced merriment."
Quote by -

David Sedaris

(0) Like

(0) Favourite

(0) Comment

"Clatter of a typewriter suggests that you're actually building something."
Quote by -

David Sedaris

(0) Like

(0) Favourite

(0) Comment

"I can't promise I'll never kill anyone again," he once said, strapping a refrigerator to his back. "It's unrealistic to live your life within such strict parameters"
Quote by -

David Sedaris

(0) Like

(0) Favourite

(0) Comment

"What I really hated, of course, was my mind. There must have been an off switch somewhere, but I was damned if I could find it."
Quote by -

David Sedaris

(0) Like

(0) Favourite

(0) Comment

"There's a reason regular people don't appear on TV: we're boring."
Quote by -

David Sedaris

(0) Like

(0) Favourite

(0) Comment

"There seemed to be some correlation between devotion to God and a misguided zeal for marshmallows."
Quote by -

David Sedaris

(0) Like

(0) Favourite

(0) Comment

"Remember that the most important thing is to try and love other people as much as they love you."
Quote by -

David Sedaris

(0) Like

(0) Favourite

(0) Comment

"She took pictures of germs, viruses, and people reacting to germs and viruses. On weekends, for extra money, she photographed weddings, which really wasn't that much of a stretch"
Quote by -

David Sedaris

(0) Like

(0) Favourite

(0) Comment

"I was a smart-ass, born and raised. This had been my curse and would continue to be so."
Quote by -

David Sedaris

(0) Like

(0) Favourite

(0) Comment

"I'd always thought that I understood this, but lately I realize that what I call "understanding" is basically just fantasizing."
Quote by -

David Sedaris

(0) Like

(0) Favourite

(0) Comment

"This was the consequence of seeing too much and understanding the horrible truth: No one is safe. The world is not manageable."
Quote by -

David Sedaris

(0) Like

(0) Favourite

(0) Comment

"Given enough time, I guess anything can look good. All it has to do is survive."
Quote by -

David Sedaris

(0) Like

(0) Favourite

(0) Comment

"But I have no mind for business and considered staying awake to be enough of an accomplishment."
Quote by -

David Sedaris

(0) Like

(0) Favourite

(0) Comment

"I was just struggling with my inner vachette and pondering the depths of my own inhumanity."
Quote by -

David Sedaris

(0) Like

(0) Favourite

(0) Comment

"I needed to temper (my dad's) enthusiasm a bit (about attending Princeton), and so I announced that I would be majoring in patricide...My mom was actually jealous."
Quote by -

David Sedaris

(0) Like

(0) Favourite

(0) Comment

"People are often frightened of Parisians, but an American in Paris will find no harsher critic than another American."
Quote by -

David Sedaris

(0) Like

(0) Favourite

(0) Comment

"In other parts of the country people tried to stay together for the sake of the children. In New York they tried to work things out for the sake of the apartment."
Quote by -

David Sedaris

(0) Like

(0) Favourite

(0) Comment

"There is still the outside world to contend with. A world of backfiring cars, and their human equivalents."
Quote by -

David Sedaris

(0) Like

(0) Favourite

(0) Comment

"Say what you will about the south, but in North Carolina a hot dog is free to swing anyway it wishes."
Quote by -

David Sedaris

(0) Like

(0) Favourite

(0) Comment

"At first, writing for The New Yorker was very scary to me. I couldn't imagine anything that I would write in that typeface."
Quote by -

David Sedaris

(0) Like

(0) Favourite

(0) Comment

"Thanks stadium pal!"
Quote by -

David Sedaris

(0) Like

(0) Favourite

(0) Comment

"And when Hugh would grow progressively Gandhi on me, I'd remind him that these were pests---disease carriers who feasted upon the dead and then came indoors to dance upon our silverware."
Quote by -

David Sedaris

(0) Like

(0) Favourite

(0) Comment

"College is the best thing that can ever happen to you," my father used to say, and he was right, for it was there that I discovered drugs, drinking, and smoking.."
Quote by -

David Sedaris

(0) Like

(0) Favourite

(0) Comment