QUOTES by David Sedaris
Find most favourite and famour Authors from A.A Milne to Zoe Kravitz.
"Whenever I read a passage that moves me, I transcribe it in my diary, hoping my fingers might learn what excellence feels like."
Quote by -David Sedaris
"I find it ridiculous to assign a gender to an inanimate object incapable of disrobing and making an occasional fool of itself."
Quote by -David Sedaris
"Their house had real hardcover books in it, and you often saw them lying open on the sofa, the words still warm from being read."
Quote by -David Sedaris
"A zoo is a good place to make a spectacle of yourself, as the people around you have creepier, more photogenic things to look at."
Quote by -David Sedaris
"Oh, for Christ's sake,' I hear. 'Can we please just try to have a good time?' This is like ordering someone to find you attractive, and it doesn't work. I've tried it."
Quote by -David Sedaris
"Often I'd take out my magnifying glass and stare into the chaos that was her face."
Quote by -David Sedaris
"It is funny the things that run through your mind when you're sitting in your underpants in front of a pair of strangers."
Quote by -David Sedaris
"Being locked up is one thing, but to have no concept of confinement, to be ignorant of its terms and never understand that struggle is useless - that's what hell must be like."
Quote by -David Sedaris
"On a busy day twenty-two thousand people come to visit Santa, and I was told that it is an elf's lot to remain merry in the face of torment and adversity. I promised to keep that in mind."
Quote by -David Sedaris
"He looked as though his life had not only passed him by but paused along the way to spit in his face."
Quote by -David Sedaris
"It's safe to assume that by 2085 guns will be sold in vending machines but you won't be able to smoke anywhere in America."
Quote by -David Sedaris
"The Korean man nodded, the way you do when you’re a foreigner and understand that someone has finished a sentence."
Quote by -David Sedaris
"I love things made out of animals. It's just so funny to think of someone saying, "I need a letter opener. I guess I'll have to kill a deer."
Quote by -David Sedaris
"Writing gives you the illusion of control, and then you realize it's just an illusion, that people are going to bring their own stuff into it."
Quote by -David Sedaris
"As a child I assumed that when I reached adulthood, I would have grown-up thoughts."
Quote by -David Sedaris
"I just looked at the pattern of my life, decided I didn't like it, and changed."
Quote by -David Sedaris
"Speed eliminates all doubt. Am I smart enough? Will people like me? Do I really look all right in this plastic jumpsuit?"
Quote by -David Sedaris
"At the end of a miserable day, instead of grieving my virtual nothing, I can always look at my loaded wastepaper basket and tell myself that if I failed, at least I took a few trees down with me."
Quote by -David Sedaris
"I'd tried to straighten him out, but there's only so much you can do for a person who thinks Auschwitz is a brand of beer."
Quote by -David Sedaris
"Most people would have found it grotesque, but when you're in love nothing is so abstract or horrible that it can't be thought of as cute."
Quote by -David Sedaris
"This left me alone to solve the coffee problem - a sort of catch-22, as in order to think straight I need caffeine, and in order to make that happen I need to think straight."
Quote by -David Sedaris
"Boys who spent their weekends making banana nut muffins did not, as a rule, excel in the art of hand-to-hand combat."
Quote by -David Sedaris
"I'm the most important person in the lives of almost everyone I know and a good number of the people I've never even met."
Quote by -David Sedaris
"I hate you' she said to me one afternoon. 'I really, really hate you.' Call me sensitive, but I couldn't help but take it personally."
Quote by -David Sedaris
"A good [short story] would take me out of myself and then stuff me back in, outsized, now, and uneasy with the fit."
Quote by -David Sedaris
"All of us take pride and pleasure in the fact that we are unique, but I'm afraid that when all is said and done the police are right: it all comes down to fingerprints."
Quote by -David Sedaris
"Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you're offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone's feelings"
Quote by -David Sedaris
"We were not a hugging people. In terms of emotional comfort it was our belief that no amount of physical contact could match the healing powers of a well made cocktail."
Quote by -David Sedaris
"I haven't the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective candidates just in case I should ever figure it out."
Quote by -David Sedaris
"If I could believe in myself, why not give other improbabilities the benefit of the doubt?"
Quote by -David Sedaris