QUOTES by Robert Orben
Find most favourite and famour Authors from A.A Milne to Zoe Kravitz.
It may be the way the cookie crumbles on Madison Avenue, but in Hong Kong its the way the egg rolls.
Quote by -Robert Orben
If you can get someone to laugh with you, they will be more willing to identify with you, listen to you. It parts the waters.
Quote by -Robert Orben
Summit meetings tend to be like panda matings. The expectations are always high, and the results usually disappointing.
Quote by -Robert Orben
Noise pollution is a relative thing. In a city, it's a jet plane taking off. In a monastery, it's a pen that scratches.
Quote by -Robert Orben
Thanks to modern medicine we are no longer forced to endure prolonged pain, disease, discomfort and wealth.
Quote by -Robert Orben
All that means is that something devastating can happen to you today or to your family & all you can do is cry about it or panic or just be grief-stricken about it; but a year or two from now or maybe ten years from now, or maybe two months or two days, you might be able to see the humor in that problem.
Quote by -Robert Orben
As much as we admire all the characteristics of a Ronald Reagan, as soon as something goes wrong, people will hate those same characteristics.
Quote by -Robert Orben
It's an awful thing to grow old by yourself. My wife hasn't had a birthday in seven years.
Quote by -Robert Orben
I understand the big food companies are developing a tearless onion. I think they can do it - after all, they've already given us tasteless bread.
Quote by -Robert Orben
I may be forty, but every morning when I get up, I feel like a twenty-year-old. Unfortunately, there's never one around.
Quote by -Robert Orben
It's amazing how important your job is when you want the day off - and how unimportant it is when you want a raise.
Quote by -Robert Orben
Have you noticed when you go on a diet, the first thing you lose is your temper.
Quote by -Robert Orben
I'd like to say a few words about one of the most popular concepts in the modern education--show and tell. Show and Tell is a device created by grammar schools to communicate family secrets to 32 other families before 9:15 am in the morning.
Quote by -Robert Orben
Economists can certainly disappoint you. One said that the economy would turn up by the last quarter. Well, I'm down to mine and it hasn't.
Quote by -Robert Orben
These detective series on TV always end at precisely the right moment-after the criminal is arrested and before the court turns him loose.
Quote by -Robert Orben
Humor gives presidents the chance to be seen as warm, relaxed persons. Humor reaches out and puts its arm around the listener and says, 'I am one of you, I understand,' and implicitly it promises, 'I will do something about your problems.
Quote by -Robert Orben
I had a terrible fight with my wife on New Year's Eve. She called me a procrastinator. So I finished addressing the Christmas cards and left.
Quote by -Robert Orben
They're combining that new fertility drug with a birth control pill for people who don't want triplets.
Quote by -Robert Orben
The Playboy calendar this year has some tip-top models. Any more top and they'd tip.
Quote by -Robert Orben
I remember when humor was gentle pokes. I used to call it 'arm around the shoulder' humor. Now they go for the jugular and they take no prisoners. It's mean, mean stuff.
Quote by -Robert Orben
Telling a joke is risk taking. Younger people are more insecure and not willing to put themselves on the line, so a quick one-liner is much safer.
Quote by -Robert Orben
Every speaker has a mouth; An arrangement rather neat. Sometimes it's filled with wisdom. Sometimes it's filled with feet.
Quote by -Robert Orben
The chance to be seen as a warm, witty guy is too good an opportunity for a politician to miss.
Quote by -Robert Orben
With my luck, if I ever invested in General Motors, they'd bust it to Corporal!
Quote by -Robert Orben
Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some of the smaller countries are neutral.
Quote by -Robert Orben
Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down.
Quote by -Robert Orben
The secret of writing comedy is to know where it's all going, then get ahead of it.
Quote by -Robert Orben
More than ever before, Americans are suffering from back problems: back taxes, back rent, back auto payments.
Quote by -Robert Orben
There are days when it takes all you've got just to keep up with the losers.
Quote by -Robert Orben
Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the first thing you do? Turn out the lights!
Quote by -Robert Orben
Humor starts like a wildfire, but then continues on, smoldering, smoldering for years.
Quote by -Robert Orben
Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.
Quote by -Robert Orben
Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price.
Quote by -Robert Orben
In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative; fight, flee - or laugh.
Quote by -Robert Orben
Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.
Quote by -Robert Orben