QUOTES by Pete Holmes
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We can give space to someone's depression. We can love them; we can honor - we can just eat some noodles, we can watch some movies, whatever it is. We can just sit and not talk. That's real stuff. It's a real - I don't know if you call it a disorder, a disease, but it's happening, and we don't need to coach people through with ideologies.
Quote by -Pete Holmes
We'd all like to increase pleasure and minimize pain, but the truth is, suffering, even collective suffering that we're going through, is often the earmark that some real change is happening.
Quote by -Pete Holmes
I'll admit that I'm self-centered - all of us are - but I can also be external and giving and listening and empathetic and all that sort of stuff.
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The world is so mysterious, and there's so many social interactions where I have no idea what I'm supposed to do - what's being asked of me, what's expected of me.
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Comedians really are like a species. That's not to be exclusive. Anyone can kind of become one. You have to pay your dues, though.
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When I used to work the road, I remember I used to ask myself in the mirror, literally, like in a movie, back when I was not very good at all, I'd say, 'What's it like being the greatest comedian in the world?'
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I'm super happy to say that it's not that hard to write bad stand-up. I guess the trick is to write bad stand-up that sounds like you're trying to be good.
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When you slide into television, no one tells you exactly how manage expectations and work with your staff.
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I look at my faith like a room, and there was all of this furniture in there, but I had inherited most of the furniture. Then, when I got divorced, I took everything out just to see how I was going to refurnish the room, and that was a very essential step in my life. It was great.
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I thought divorce was for people that threw plates at each other, and I'd have to be an alcoholic or having affairs. But the truth is, sometimes a very sweet, well-meaning person just doesn't do it for you, and you need to get out of there.
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Ideally, a good pastor wants to empower a congregation to the point where they don't need him. You want everyone to leave feeling better.
Quote by -Pete Holmes
I think there's something so funny about Ram Dass. I was lucky enough to sit across from him at dinner once, and I got up the courage to tell him that he was my favorite comedian. Even though he's not a comic, he talks about showbiz in a certain way and understands that there's a presentation to it.
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The only Batman that doesn't need parodying is Adam West, but everybody else is fair game.
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When I grew up, my model of God was like a lifeguard: I knew He loved me, but He blew his whistle a lot.
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The biggest idea of a good time for me is making the Batman videos that we did. That is my ideal day. That is exactly what I want to be doing... I like doing cartoons. I like writing things.
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Yeah, I had a talk show canceled. Okay, let's go back to the list of people who had talk shows canceled. Johnny Carson had his first talk show canceled. Jon Stewart. Letterman. Conan O'Brien, if you look at 'The Tonight Show' as a show that got canceled.
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When my wife left me, in real life, T. J. Miller was like, 'I'm shooting a movie in Pittsburgh. I'll fly you out and get you a hotel room,' and I spent a week with him.
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Traffic: Sit there. Sit. Occasionally move your foot from the brake and crawl forward, then put it back. That's all you do for hours. It's very calming.
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Sometimes I liken the comedian's lifestyle a little bit to a firefighter's in the sense that there's a lot of waiting and a lot of nothingness. And then there are moments of urgent firefighting.
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The beautiful thing about stand-up advice is that it applies to anybody, any gender, any race, any age. The best thing you can do - everybody will tell you - is get on stage as much as you can. I would add to that: get on stage as much as you can - with the people you admire.
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When I got divorced, the first people I called were Nick Kroll and John Mulaney and T. J. Miller - all the pals.
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Joy is in learning to say yes to what is and to surrender into flow with what is, even when it's what you don't want.
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My mom wanted me to be a youth pastor, and when I became a comedian, she said it was close enough.
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As soon as I heard the term 'comedy nerd,' I'd hoped there was a lot of them.
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I can't speak for everybody. But I will say that for me, when I've been depressed - and I get depressed. I have irrational bouts of anxiety. I have random FedEx deliveries of despondency. Just like, 'I didn't order this. Oh, well, keep the PJs on, cancel everything you're doing today. It's time to take a sad shower.'
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I think a lot of pain in people's lives comes from not being open and honest about what they really think, what they really feel, what they like, what they don't like.
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Whenever I make a blasphemous joke, I always say that I believe in a God big enough to know that I'm just kidding. How can God not know that I'm kidding? And also, how could God be offended at a thing that he made not believing in him?
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The skill set of pastor and comedian are incredibly similar. You want to affect people. You're good at reading rooms. You're persuasive, and you're likable.
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I felt like I was in a unique position, or I am in a unique position, to show the evangelical world in a way that I haven't seen on TV before. That's a world that I'm very familiar with.
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In real life, T. J. Miller is one of my best friends, and I'll maybe see him for two or three days in a row, and then I won't see him for four months. That's just how our lives are.
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Good comedy can be liberating, and if I'm doing my job as a comedian, part of the joy for the audience is getting that release.
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I think 'everything sucks' is too often leaned upon as a comedic stance. It's a really easy and pretty weak perspective.
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It's funny - the reason I started doing a podcast was because every time I was on someone else's podcast, I would take it over a little bit.
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I think my mom recognized that I liked people to be happy. I like people to get along. And I like to be a peacemaker. And I liked the church. So she was like, 'You should be a youth pastor.'
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Science would like to tell us that people laugh because of the benign violation theory, but comedy doesn't have hard rules.
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