A man is only as faithful as his options.

I have my own demons and dark moods. It's weird.

Gay people got a right to be as miserable as everybody else.

Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to.

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.

If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.

A sense of humor is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.

You don't pay taxes - they take taxes.