I do have to travel a lot for speaking engagements.

Fortunately, I'm married to someone who's a pretty excellent parent!

Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies.

Southern California is a nice place, if you could cut out the show-business cancer. It just keeps spreading.

People are always angry at America. They're absolutely certain that America either caused their problems or is deliberately not fixing their problems. But the anger is always directed at America and never at Americans.

I realised the bohemian life was not for me. I would look around at my friends, living like starving artists, and wonder, 'Where's the art?' They weren't doing anything. And there was so much interesting stuff to do, so much fun to be had... maybe I could even quit renting.

I write because I like to make things and the only things I am good at making things with are words.

No humorist is under any obligation to provide answers and probably if you were to delve into the literary history of humour it's probably all about not providing answers because the humorist essentially says: this is the way things are.

Satire doesn't effect change.

A humorist doesn't really do that much note-taking.

The subculture of felons is in great vogue among adolescents. Enron, WorldCom, Tyco, and so forth allow us Republicans to say to America's young people, 'We be thugs.' The GOP may capture the youth vote at last.

I don't think anybody's really been successful with theorizing about value or creating a price theory.

Our regulatory bodies strive to create honest dealings, fair trades, and a situation in which no one has an advantage over anyone else. But human beings aren't honest. And all trades are made because one person thinks he's getting the better of the other, and the other person thinks the same.

If you want to join the Republican party, they have to let you in. There's nothing they can do about it. I mean, if Republicans will take Al D'Amato, they'll take anybody.

Until I carried my wife off to New Hampshire, she defined wilderness as the Bronx.

Soldiers are not policemen, and it's very unfair, even for those soldiers who have some police training, to burden them with police duties. It's not what they're trained for, or equipped for.

Predicting innovation is something of a self-canceling exercise: the most probable innovations are probably the least innovative.

Chinese economic development has cost many American workers their jobs. That's the price of progress.

Accuse a person of breaking all Ten Commandments, and you've written the promo blurb for the dust cover of his tell-all memoir.

Nobody is making Americans buy Chinese goods.

Democrats hate stay-at-home spouses, no matter what gender or gender preference.

If you talk to most businessmen, they'll say that what they do is for the public good, but you know they're just greedy, and consumers are just consuming for the sake of their own greed.

America's grossly unfair tax system won't lead to class war. Or, if it does, the war will be brief.

One of the enduring problems with certain societies in the world - and this is certainly true of a lot of places in the Middle East - is that the capacity for self-governance and self-organizing just isn't there. It has to do with history.