Every time someone says, 'You know, we really ought to get together,' if I were really honest, I would ask 'Why?'

Running my show is really like an actor being in repertory but where, in one day in one performance, you do scenes from a drama, a farce, a low comedy and a tragedy.

Show people tend to treat their finances like their dentistry. They assume the people who handle it know what they are doing.

The trick to writing for people is, you have to be able to turn them on in your head. And know how they'd word something or how they'd inflect it.

I would not ever try to be a show intellectual, which I was accused of doing a while on ABC. I thought you were supposed to read the guests' books.

Years have passed since I have set foot in a comedy club. If the comic is doing badly it's painful, and if the comic is doing brilliantly, it's extremely painful.

There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?

Once I left out what I then considered my best line because there was a suspected column rat in the house.

I'm not sure why writing for others became harder. Probably a reluctance to give away anything you might conceivably use yourself caused a block. I did it, but it remained hard when it had once been easy.

I think I'd be pretty easy to write for.

Every student of comedy should see Dame Edna at least twice.

I am always shocked that there are still a handful of defenders of the dubious practice of abstinence, surely the worst idea since chocolate-covered ants.

I like when the ice gets thin, the going gets rough, the guests get edgy.

I always wanted to live in a haunted house.

Does anything show the complexity of the miraculous brain more than that weird curiosity, the sleep-protection dream?

The Nixon administration kept a nasty eye on our show... Cops would come by - often just in time to see the act they wanted to see.

Can you picture yourself at the age 60 doing what you do now?

Therapists need to give a depressed patient support and direction.

Sloppy language leads to sloppy thought, and sloppy thought to sloppy legislation.

I don't think anyone ever gets over the surprise of how differently one audience's reaction is from another.

It's a tribute to the human brain that anyone is able to function out there on television in a talk situation that is entirely artificial.

The greatest benefit of depression is the fact that when I have talked about it, every so often someone comes up and says, 'You saved my dad's life.'

You would have to be naive to think you can appear on television and not have the material edited in some way.

Great humorists are great insulters.