So we have the story of who we are. I'm a man, and I'm a comedian, and I'm a tall man. I have big teeth and all these things, and I like the first two Batman movies, and I don't drink coffee, or whatever it is.

When I was in junior high, I went to a really hippy dippy Quaker school where we called our teachers by their first names and stuff.

I'm the weirdo that tells - asks - the Uber driver to please turn the radio down. I'm so polite about it, though.

When I look at what's happening with #MeToo, my heart breaks, basically, for everybody involved.

I make my money from a lot of different sources, so I'm not depending on any one thing to really pull through.

It's great to work with friends. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't, but everybody goes into it knowing that. Like, 'We might be really good friends, but we might be terrible collaborators.'

There are absolutely no limits with podcasting because you can do anything you want.

If written with enough care and thoughtfulness, a joke can make you laugh at a belief you hold dear.

The first time I did Cake Boss or Ice-T or Andrew Lloyd Webber was on 'Best Week Ever.'

I seem to be one of those people that's immune to Super Bowl fever. I may be a carrier, but I'm immune to it myself.

I love The Rock. I never want him to be president.

A struggle in my life is to feel like I'm a good person and to feel like I'm a nice person. I try to be and anytime I fall short of that it feels really bad.

I got married and we had a relatively simple wedding and there were not a lot of thrills to it.

Everyone is always asking me about clothes.

We all forget that when a TV network says, 'Look, we're broke,' it means that they're not making as much money as they would like to be making. They're still making millions and millions of dollars - they're just not making billions and billions of dollars.

Performing live can be a drag, the process that leads up to the actual performance. It's all the travel, it's working up all the details and everything, which I hate.

When I started stand-up, the people I admired most were the people who were the most themselves onstage.

I love to do the stream-of-consciousness thing, because it's exciting for me, and I like to think it's exciting for the audience, too.

Overall, I just love performing so much that when I write, I want to write for me. I kind of learned that on 'Mr. Show,' that even in an environment where you can write whatever you want - which is what that environment was - I realized, 'Man, I still want to be the guy out in front.'

I think I've almost killed myself 1,000 times eating some sandwich as fast as I possibly could and almost choking. It's a miracle that I'm still alive.

It is so easy to avoid getting in a fist fight. If you're at a point where you're squaring up against someone in public, then it's on you. There are so many ways to not get in a fist fight.

I have a hernia scar from when I was a kid. I had a hernia when I was like in fourth grade.

An audience can become a mob very easily.

I would love to see the Replacements get back together at the Spoleto Festival in South Carolina, because I never got to see them live and I love Charleston.