Standup is just dirtier, a far more risque kind of thing.

The standup thing has been really fun, really seeing the United States instead of reading about it.

I've made a career of taking roles that other actresses didn't want.

When you're an actress, there are only a few times you can really get paid. One of them is doing a sequel. They can't fake you or hire another actor to play you.

I'm kind of harsher than most people.

A boyfriend has so much to do with a woman blossoming.

I dated a guy who played bad guys in movies all the time, and I think he was just a bad guy.

I always find the most depressing stuff most interesting.

I don't actually go on the Internet that much.

When it's going well, stand-up is the best thing in the world, but when it's not, it feels like all your toes are being pulled off one by one.

People have this view, 'Oh, you're in movies, your life is so glamorous' but it can really suck.

As young, hot actors living in Hollywood, you get even more attractive.

Short of spending $10,000, there is nothing you can do to your head to hide the fact that you're going bald.

I read a script and I know immediately whether that role is for me or not.

I always date younger men. For some reason that's just the way it's gone, because younger guys have always asked me out and I accept.

There is something about a phony that creeps me out so much.

I always remember this neighbor who would ask me to babysit for her. She looked like Jayne Mansfield, and I remember babysitting for, like, five hours and she would pay me 80 cents, with a phony smile. I used to go home fuming to my mum.

I went out with seven actors in a row. There are problems with that. I've had the really good-looking dramatic actor, and that has its problems. And then I'll go out with the funny guy. It's almost like the funny guy has more to prove.

A man's ability to haggle is never a turn-on. The only thing less romantic than how much you paid is how much you saved. The last thing we want to hear is how you talked the jeweler down on our new earrings.

I have been able to sniff out a phony.

No one purposefully paints a bad painting. It's someone who's trying to do a good painting, but it's terrible. I have one with a matador, and the bull is going through the blanket. You can tell the painter didn't know how to paint it.

The one thing that has helped sustain my career as an actress and a comedian is that people generally view me as fundamentally stupid.

I play so many weirdos in movies that it's nice to play an attractive woman.

It was always the cliche of men leaving their wives for younger women. The playing field is sort of even now. Women make their own salaries. They can do the exact same thing and can have a younger man.