Politics won't allow for the truth.

In Israel, waves of anger and fear circulate all the time, but so do jokes and gossip and silky evening breezes. So, too, in America.

Affirmative action makes employers think, 'Black woman nuclear physicist? Hah! Probably let her into Harvard 'cause they were looking for a twofer. Bet she got C's in high school practical math. Give her a job in personnel.'

We need a government, alas, because of the nature of humans.

There isn't much room for an outsider point of view in print any more.

My whole family can talk. They are all car salesmen. They are all funny.

Woodstock had a tremendous impact on American artistic life.

Soccer matches should be something special, something people eagerly look forward to, something that brightens life.

There's something about Marxism that brings out warts; the only kind of growth this economic system encourages.

As a former writer for the 'National Lampoon,' I've probably contributed to the sea of sarcasm in which we live.

What Alexander Graham Bell thought up occupied less space than a flower vase. Now it's so small that I have to search all my pockets to discover I've received a spam text.

I knew Hunter Thompson since the '70s, and I loved him, but he would wear me out as I got older.

Term limits aren't enough. We need jail.

Politicians are wonderful people as long as they stay away from things they don't understand, such as working for a living.

Disney's Tomorrowland is deeply, thoroughly, almost furiously unimaginative.

The most futuristic aspect of the House of the Future was that it was made almost entirely of plastic.

The job of the president of the United States is to talk to the public, is to explain to them. Now, some presidents talk too much, like Bill Clinton. Some presidents try to talk but don't know how, like George Bush senior.

I come from Toledo, Ohio, a town that has been hurt badly by the shift of the automobile business towards Japan. And yet I remember how the car workers lived in the neighborhood that I grew up in. My father was a car salesman, and I remember how we lived. I remember how modestly we lived.

Why is Iraq so easy to harm and so hard to help?

Of course, no one wants to ban the vote. Voting should remain available for sporting and recreational purposes. But certain types of votes clearly should be curtailed - 'assault votes,' for example, in which the only purpose of the vote is to harm others.

The foundation of collectivism is simple: There should be no important economic differences among people. No one should be too rich.

Jeans fit the mature male one of two ways, both dirigible in nature. You make a public impression that's either Hindenburg or Goodyear blimp.

It's better to make fun of yourself because you've always got someone around to make fun of, and they can't sue you.

Inside every Sancho Panza there's a Don Quixote struggling to get out.