VALENTINE: Are you talking about Lord Byron, the poet? BERNARD: No, you fucking idiot, we're talking about Lord Byron, the chartered accountant.

Rosencrantz: Shouldn't we be doing something--constructive? Guildenstern: What did you have in mind? ... A short, blunt human pyramid...?

Apart from that Mrs Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?

Who hasn't danced in their underwear?

How does one magnify a calling? Simply by performing the service that pertains to it.

Questions arose. Like, what in the fuck was going on here, basically.

Why should things be easy to understand?

If they can get you asking the wrong questions, they don't have to worry about answers.

The emperor counsels simplicity. First principles. Of each particular thing, ask: What is it in itself, in its own constitution? What is its causal nature?

Which do you think, Commendatore? Bowels in or out?

Show Dr. Princi your teeth. That's right, let's see 'em all. Christ, Sparks, is that your tongue or are you swallowing a squirrel? Keep moving -

Can you smell his sweat? That peculiar goatish odor is trans-3-methyl-2 hexenoic acid. Remember it, it's the smell of schizophrenia.

What does he do, Clarice? What is the first and principal thing he does, what need does he serve by killing? He covets. How do we begin to covet? We begin by coveting what we see every day.

We live in a primitive time—don’t we, Will?—neither savage nor wise. Half measures are the curse of it. Any rational society would either kill me or give me my books.

It's hard to have anything isn't it? Rare to get it, hard to keep it. This is a damn slippery planet.

Being smart spoils a lot of things, doesn't it?

Without question, the Red Ryder BB gun is the most important gun in the history of American weaponry.

There are only four questions of importance in life: What is sacred, of what is the spirit made, what is worth living for, and what is worth dying for. The answer to all of them is the same. Only LOVE.

But if there is no cosmic Plan? What a mockery, to live in exile when no one sent you there. Exile from a place, moreover, that does not exist.

Where else? I belong to a lost generation and am comfortable only in the company of others who are lost and lonely.

How does one control weight? By not overeating. How does one stay in shape? One plays sports. There are no magic pills here.

And you call yourselves a bowling alley?

We don't get the greatest tools to deal with anger. It's like, 'Hey, count to 10.' When someone really upsets me, how do I respond? I don't usually start counting to 10 and breathing deeply.

Honestly, if it wasn't for 'Beetlejuice,' where would I be? That movie was a big thing for me.