QUOTES by Carlos Mencia
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People live in a place called Tornado Alley - and they're surprised when they get hit by a tornado. I'm sorry when they get hit by tornadoes, but when you live in Tornado Alley you can't really claim surprise.
Quote by -Carlos Mencia
I will make a joke about any of my family members, about me, about my wife, if I really thought that I'm doing it to be funny. If there's some darkness to it, or I think it's ill-willed or mean or not cool, then I won't do it.
Quote by -Carlos Mencia
When I was born, I was given to my uncle and aunt to raise as their kid because they couldn't have kids.
Quote by -Carlos Mencia
I'm just trying to be funny, trying to make people laugh, and trying to make the world a better place through some jokes. I don't have words for it. It's so overwhelming.
Quote by -Carlos Mencia
I don't want to go on stage with anger. And that's why I worked so hard to look within and change myself and evolve.
Quote by -Carlos Mencia
Shows I've done in war zones are the greatest. The first time I was in Iraq, I kid you not, I felt so uncomfortable having the troops say, 'Thank you.' It's so deep and heartfelt.
Quote by -Carlos Mencia
I was born in Honduras, and everything there is really chill, and people don't worry about having to get something overnighted by FedEx. Maui has that same sort of vibe, but everyone speaks English.
Quote by -Carlos Mencia
I can't imagine how unbelievable it would be to go to the Great Barrier Reef.
Quote by -Carlos Mencia
The cool thing about going to Vegas is that it's kind of like visiting a bunch of cities all at one time. All the shows and great restaurants leave you with a lot of options.
Quote by -Carlos Mencia
My favorite place is Maui. It's almost perfect there - the people, the weather, just everything. No matter how busy you are, when you get to Maui, you chill and relax.
Quote by -Carlos Mencia
All this stuff that went down, the joke-stealing accusations, me not wanting to do 'Mind of Mencia' anymore. All these things made me look inside myself.
Quote by -Carlos Mencia
When I was younger, I was angry. I was boisterous and loud. I was on top of the mountain, screaming at everybody, 'Look at me!' Now I'm more of a Taoist.
Quote by -Carlos Mencia
Here's what I know about the business I am in. It's all based on money. It's all based on ratings.
Quote by -Carlos Mencia
I was never one of those fat-victim people. I always have to address how much weight I lost, and people always realize then how fat I was.
Quote by -Carlos Mencia
The weight loss came about because a buddy of mine who was diagnosed with diabetes because of his obesity told me that I was fat. And I started laughing, and he was like, 'No seriously, you're fat.' And I said, 'Oh wow, really.'
Quote by -Carlos Mencia
Guys like Rogan literally want to ruin my career. That's unbelievably cruel and hurtful, and I never want to be that guy.
Quote by -Carlos Mencia
'America is such a great country, we have fat poor people.' It's one of those jokes that doesn't hit people right away, because it's so prevalent that we don't get it.
Quote by -Carlos Mencia
If I were to say that I grew up in East Los Angeles in the projects, poor, I assumed that everybody understood that it came with its own reasons for being the way I am. I didn't get that people needed to understand where my comedy came from; I thought that they knew that.
Quote by -Carlos Mencia
If you don't like your job, then change it by getting some better skills. Until then, shut up and get my burger with a smile, like in the commercials.
Quote by -Carlos Mencia
My comedy is about, lift yourself. See reality. Change the reality if you don't like it. But if you can't, then deal with things as they are because crying about it isn't going to change anything.
Quote by -Carlos Mencia
I am frail like everyone else, and I take that into account when I talk about things.
Quote by -Carlos Mencia
My ancestry is really weird, because my great grandfather was from the Cayman Islands, and then his father was from England. But I lose track at that point.
Quote by -Carlos Mencia
I'm a teacher and a philosopher by nature... In the end, I'm trying to teach people to live a better life. And if I can do that on top of entertain, then I leave the world a better place.
Quote by -Carlos Mencia
I like to look in the crevices of things, the nooks and the crannies. I like to see the things other people don't see, don't want to look at.
Quote by -Carlos Mencia
I am a product... I'm a comedian. I'm not curing cancer. In the end, I tell jokes. I make people laugh.
Quote by -Carlos Mencia
Some people want to live in a world much prettier than the one I depict. But it exists, and I talk about it because it exists.
Quote by -Carlos Mencia
It's a pleasure to be doing a show for Comedy Central. Traditional networks would cast me as the head of a household with 16 children, which I find extremely offensive because there are 18 kids in my family.
Quote by -Carlos Mencia
I've gotten in trouble with every race you can imagine. They say, 'I can't believe you talked about this - you're racist.' And I say, 'How can I be racist? Isn't racism exclusionary? If all of you are offended, that means I'm including every race in my jokes.'
Quote by -Carlos Mencia
For me, it's always better to tell people the truth, because people can accept the truth.
Quote by -Carlos Mencia
I've dated many women at the same time. But I told them. I didn't keep any secrets from them.
Quote by -Carlos Mencia
The easiest thing to do is put someone in a file of somebody you already know. 'Hey, you remind me of Sam Kinison' or 'You remind me of Richard Pryor.' That's fine, because I know that's the process. Eventually, my own file will be created.
Quote by -Carlos Mencia
I was never funny. I'd be funny once a year at Christmas. I'd do impressions of how people talked and danced, but that stopped when I was about 11.
Quote by -Carlos Mencia
If the worst thing happening to Middle Eastern people is that Carlos Mencia is doing a joke about them being stopped at airports, that's a pretty awesome state of affairs.
Quote by -Carlos Mencia