QUOTES by Dave Barry
Find most favourite and famour Authors from A.A Milne to Zoe Kravitz.
I have been a gigantic Rolling Stones fan since approximately the Spanish-American War.
Quote by -Dave Barry
Big business never pays a nickel in taxes, according to Ralph Nader, who represents a big consumer organization that never pays a nickel in taxes.
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There is a breed of fashion models who weigh no more than an abridged dictionary.
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Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.
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Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.
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I realize that I'm generalizing here, but as is often the case when I generalize, I don't care.
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The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.
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The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the laws of logic or science. Dennis Rodman is only one example.
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What may seem depressing or even tragic to one person may seem like an absolute scream to another person, especially if he has had between four and seven beers.
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Eugene is located in western Oregon, approximately 278 billion miles from anything.
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The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot.
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It was Public Art, defined as art that is purchased by experts who are not spending their own personal money.
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In fact, when you get right down to it, almost every explanation Man came up with for anything until about 1926 was stupid.
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The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of celery.
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I want a pit crew... I hate the procedure I currently have to go through when I have car problems.
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Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is lethal enough.
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Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.
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In 1765, Parliament passed the Stamp Act, which, as any American high school student can tell you, was an act that apparently had something to do with stamps.
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To better understand why you need a personal computer, let's take a look at the pathetic mess you call your life.
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People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
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If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland.
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American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it.
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I would not know how I am supposed to feel about many stories if not for the fact that the TV news personalities make sad faces for sad stories and happy faces for happy stories.
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My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible.
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Geographically, Ireland is a medium-sized rural island that is slowly but steadily being consumed by sheep.
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I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford.
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We idolized the Beatles, except for those of us who idolized the Rolling Stones, who in those days still had many of their original teeth.
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Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you can repeat words! And they don't even have to be true!
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Violence and smut are of course everywhere on the airwaves. You cannot turn on your television without seeing them, although sometimes you have to hunt around.
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Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there's a good chance that nobody is reading my column.
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We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this is how we stay objective.
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The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally take place in winter.
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And so by the fifteenth century, on October 8, the Europeans were looking for a new place to try to get to, and they came up with a new concept: the West.
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I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer.
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Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent?
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The real threat to whales is whaling, which has endangered many whale species.
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The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.
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Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.
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Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be just as complicated as they are, only way more mysterious. The whole point is guys are not thinking much. They are just what they appear to be. Tragically.
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The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn't have eyeballs or fins.
Quote by -Dave Barry