Hair extensions and wigs are not the same thing. Wigs are for old ladies and drag queens. Extensions are for women who want longer hair. To be safe, never bring it up if you think a woman is wearing either. No good comes of it.

Girls are supposed to be feminine and demure. Comedy isn't about that, so you just have to unlearn it. Certain women are so pretty, they can't go weird enough to be funny. You have to be willing to be ugly. I'm lucky my face can look so hideous.

I live in New Orleans part of the year, and it's a really fun eating town. I bought two homes there, one to live in and one as an investment. They love to eat, drink and dress up in costumes. There are so many reasons to dress up - Mardi Gras, Halloween, Southern Decadence.

I think I'm comedy-attractive, but it's never gonna be me and Charlize Theron up there.

I would say 90 percent of the scripts that show up on my door are women who have had lots of plastic surgery that are married to rich men - sort of a trophy wife.

I hate Spanx.

With Christopher Guest films, we have a lot of say.

Physically, no one would ever consider me for the serial-killer lady.

I always fall for the guy that, like, has to blow me off because he needs to go do something with his dog. I love those kind of guys.

I was like a waitress that got a job once in a while, and then Stifler's mom happened, and everything changed.

I know what I am capable of. I read a character, and if I can say to myself, 'I know this woman,' then I take the role.

It's a great compliment when the beautiful ones laugh.

As a single woman, I reap the benefits of being Stifler's mom.

I love Australia, and I especially love those rugby players.

Gina Gershon was a year ahead of me in college.

Meryl Streep was my hero. I wanted to be that type of actor more than anything.

It was always the cliche of men leaving their wives for younger women. The playing field is sort of even now. Women make their own salaries. They can do the exact same thing and can have a younger man.

I play so many weirdos in movies that it's nice to play an attractive woman.

The one thing that has helped sustain my career as an actress and a comedian is that people generally view me as fundamentally stupid.

No one purposefully paints a bad painting. It's someone who's trying to do a good painting, but it's terrible. I have one with a matador, and the bull is going through the blanket. You can tell the painter didn't know how to paint it.

I have been able to sniff out a phony.

A man's ability to haggle is never a turn-on. The only thing less romantic than how much you paid is how much you saved. The last thing we want to hear is how you talked the jeweler down on our new earrings.

I went out with seven actors in a row. There are problems with that. I've had the really good-looking dramatic actor, and that has its problems. And then I'll go out with the funny guy. It's almost like the funny guy has more to prove.

I always remember this neighbor who would ask me to babysit for her. She looked like Jayne Mansfield, and I remember babysitting for, like, five hours and she would pay me 80 cents, with a phony smile. I used to go home fuming to my mum.

There is something about a phony that creeps me out so much.

I always date younger men. For some reason that's just the way it's gone, because younger guys have always asked me out and I accept.

I read a script and I know immediately whether that role is for me or not.

Short of spending $10,000, there is nothing you can do to your head to hide the fact that you're going bald.

As young, hot actors living in Hollywood, you get even more attractive.

People have this view, 'Oh, you're in movies, your life is so glamorous' but it can really suck.

When it's going well, stand-up is the best thing in the world, but when it's not, it feels like all your toes are being pulled off one by one.

I don't actually go on the Internet that much.

I always find the most depressing stuff most interesting.

I dated a guy who played bad guys in movies all the time, and I think he was just a bad guy.

A boyfriend has so much to do with a woman blossoming.

I'm kind of harsher than most people.

When you're an actress, there are only a few times you can really get paid. One of them is doing a sequel. They can't fake you or hire another actor to play you.

I've made a career of taking roles that other actresses didn't want.

The standup thing has been really fun, really seeing the United States instead of reading about it.

Standup is just dirtier, a far more risque kind of thing.

Thank God for Stifler's mom. I don't know if life would be this fun if I didn't have that.

Usually, when you're an actress, you have to audition 20 times.

It ends up being a terrible movie if you try and please everyone.

I have a storage unit, as I moved out of a bigger house into a smaller house in L.A. I put all my stuff in a storage unit, where I have the most amazing collection of bad paintings, which took me 10 years to put together.

Keri Russell is one of the prettiest girls I've ever seen in my life. She's one of those girls that doesn't have that thing when you walk into the trailer in the morning, and your face is all bashed in - like a lot of actors, even the beautiful and handsome ones.

I get the gold-digger part six times weekly. I can play those women into the ground, but I don't want someone telling me that's all I can do.

When I walk into a video arcade filled with 16- or 17-year-old boys, I may as well be Marilyn Monroe.

When you leave L.A. and go to another city, guys are normal again. They like girls their own age.

I have the improv background, but stand-up is different.

If you're playing a character that someone doesn't like, that's okay, but if you're voicing your own opinions, they actually don't like you!