"I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book."

"Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others."

"All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats."

"Humor is reason gone mad."

"A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running."

"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies."

"I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member."

"I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it."

"A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere."

"Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him."

"I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it."

"Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife."

"The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made."

"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read."

"Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know."

"The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words. This life, to which neither time nor eternity can bring diminution - this everlasting living soul, began. My mind loses itself in these depths."