"Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does."

"If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you."

"I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course."

"I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract."

"I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member."

"I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it."

"Room service? Send up a larger room."

"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book."

"Either he's dead or my watch has stopped."