QUOTES by Lenny Bruce

Find most favourite and famour Authors from A.A Milne to Zoe Kravitz.

If you're going to stop masturbating, you can't taper off. You've got to quit, cold jerky!
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Lenny Bruce

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I am influenced by every second of my waking hour.
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Lenny Bruce

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Life is a four-letter word.
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Lenny Bruce

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Every tribe needs a good front man to sell the program. Who better to convince the Middle East to give up the oil, than a brown man with a Muslim name?
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Lenny Bruce

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If I just stuck to pot I might have found out what a drag being an aging hipster actually was.
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Lenny Bruce

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When earth gets good and crowded, like 15th century England, then some new Pilgrims are gonna rocket their Mayflowers to a new solar system.
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Lenny Bruce

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I tried the religion scam in Miami, so I know how hard that gig is. But, if you can get it to work, starting your own religion is a license to print money.
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Lenny Bruce

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The only truly anonymous donor is the guy who knocks up your daughter.
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In the Halls of Justice the only justice is in the halls.
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Every group needs a comedian. A comic who is politically incorrect at the Berkeley campus might slay them at a Klan rally.
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Lenny Bruce

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The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it.
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Lenny Bruce

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Satire is tragedy plus time. You give it enough time, the public, the reviewers will allow you to satirize it. Which is rather ridiculous, when you think about it.
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Lenny Bruce

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Wouldn't it be nice if all the people who are lonesome could live in one big dormitory, sleep in beds next to each other, talk, laugh, and keep the lights on as long as they want to?
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Lenny Bruce

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If you believe there is a God, a God that made your body, and yet you think that you can do anything with that body that's dirty, then the fault lies with the manufacturer.
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Lenny Bruce

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You put a guy on a desert island, he'll do it to mud, a chicken, a barrel, anything, a knothole.
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Lenny Bruce

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You got to pay your dues to get the joke. Besides, laughter is cheap and very portable. If there's a pogrom, or they're blaming you for the plague, nothing is easier to pack than a sense of humor.
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Lenny Bruce

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When you're eight years old, nothing is any of your business.
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Lenny Bruce

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All my humor is based upon destruction and despair.

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TV is just advertising for your live gig, so I'm playing whichever show is gonna get me the biggest crowd.
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Lenny Bruce

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Satire is tragedy plus time.
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Lenny Bruce

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Certain things are complete superstition and have no validity at all in the Bible. Yeah. They're just the antithesis of everything that is correct intellectually.
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Lenny Bruce

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I'll die young, but it's like kissing God.
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Lenny Bruce

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Anyone who does anything for pleasure to indulge his selfish soul will surely burn in Hell.

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Sex and obscenity are not synonymous.
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Lenny Bruce

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I'm not a comedian. I'm Lenny Bruce.
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Lenny Bruce

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Once you sleep on feathers you can't go back to sleeping on the floor.
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Lenny Bruce

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The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it... try to fake three laughs in an hour - ha ha ha ha ha - they'll take you away, man. You can't.
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Lenny Bruce

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If you live in New York, even if you're Catholic, you're Jewish
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Lenny Bruce

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Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.
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Lenny Bruce

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Communism is just one big telephone company.
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Lenny Bruce

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The role of a comedian is to make the audience laugh, at a minimum of once every fifteen seconds.
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Lenny Bruce

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I've talked to biblical cats, and Neanderthals who been here since day one. No one here has even seen the Big Boss. Ever.
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Lenny Bruce

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I'm sure that half the buzz from smoking grass was the fact that it was so illegal.
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Lenny Bruce

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There is only what is and that's it. What should be is a dirty lie.
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What you end up with is outrageousness without the laugh - comedy as electro shock therapy.

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There's always a down side with any freedom. It's not just homosexual freedom, but any sexual freedom comes at a price, and that is usually art.
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Lenny Bruce

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I credit the motion picture industry as the strongest environmental factor in molding the children of my day.
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Lenny Bruce

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You can't just run out and start the car until some cat invents a car.
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Lenny Bruce

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I was a Jew talking about Goyim religion. If I had just stuck to Moses, everything would have been cool. But, copping to being part of the whole Christ murder conspiracy got everyone goose-stepping again.
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Lenny Bruce

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Even if you are Catholic, if you live in New York you're Jewish. If you live in Butte, Montana, you are going to be goyish even if you are Jewish.
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Lenny Bruce

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If I get busted in New York, the freest city in the world, that will be the end of my career.
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Lenny Bruce

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If you can take the hot lead enema, then you can cast the first stone.
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Lenny Bruce

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The crooks downtown figured out that comedy is like a hammer. It can put up a barn and it can knock down a wall. So they bought it outright and marketed it as Comedy Central.
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Lenny Bruce

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I want to perform an unnatural act.
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Lenny Bruce

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