I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.

Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue.

The film studios learned to our dismay but to their pleasure that if they spent $200 million making a film they could make half a billion on it. So they were not interested anymore in quality films... They can't afford to be that risky at those prices. Consequently you're getting a lot of remakes, sequels, dopey comedies full of toilet jokes...

Figures tell us there are already more people on earth than we need to move even the heaviest piano.

Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.