"I'll tell 'ya how to stay young: Hang around with older people"

"A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it."

"Your ignorance cramps my conversation"

"I must say the Senator's victory in Wisconsin was a triumph for democracy. It proves that a millionaire has just as good a chance as anyone else. [on JFK's electoral victory]"

"Of audiences: they were really tough - they used to tie their tomatoes on the end of a yo-yo, so they could hit you twice"

"The program is nearly over! I can feel the audience is still with me but if I run faster I can shake them off"

"When we recall Christmas past, we usually find that the simplest things - not the great occasions - give off the greatest glow of happiness."~"

"My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?"

"He hits the ball 130 yards and his jewelry goes 150."