"Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret."

"Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic."

"Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught."

"Photograph: a picture painted by the sun without instruction in art."

"Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband."

"Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility."

"The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling."

"Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence."

"Lawsuit: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage."