Athletes become our heroes, because they're superhuman. They do things nobody else can do. They're better than 6 billion other people.

A lot of people will say, "Oh, I got into acting because I wanted to explore my craft." They're a bunch of liars, unless they're Sean Penn, DeNiro or my dad. For the rest of us it was all about chicks and money.

I exposed people to magic. I exposed them to something they're never otherwise going to see in their boring, normal lives. And I gave that to them. I may forget about them tomorrow, but they'll live with that memory for the rest of their lives. And that's a gift, man.

People can't figure me out, they can't process me, I don't expect them to. You can't process me with the normal brain.

I knew if I got loaded I was going away for a while. People would say, Oh, you're just sober because you're on probation.

A lot of people think Major League's called Wild Thing. As they should.

People say you have to work on your resentments. Yeah, no, I'm gonna hang onto them and they're gonna fuel my attack.

I've got mad energy for days. That's what people can't get their minds around. They say, 'Oh, he's going to crash.' They try to apply all these common terms to a guy who is not common. I don't fit into their little box.

It's not an act. I love it. It's totally original. People go, 'What's going on with this guy? Why does he sound so weird? What is going on in his brain. I don't know. Just one day I suddenly woke up with a new brain.

What they're not ready for is guys like you and I and Nails and all the other gnarly gnarlingtons in my life, that we are high priests, Vatican assassin warlocks. Boom. Print that, people. See where that goes.

You know horses are smarter than people. You never heard of a horse going broke betting on people.

You can't legislate intelligence and common sense into people.

Sometimes people deserve a high five, in the face, with a chair.

The problem ain't what people know. It's what people know that ain't so that's the problem.

There is some talk of lowering (the income tax), and they will have to. People are not making enough to pay it.

But we can't alibi all our ills by just knocking the old banker. First he loaned the money, then the people all at once wanted it back, and he didn't have it. Now he's got it again, and is afraid to loan it, so the poor devil don't know what to do.

Mothers are the only race of people that speak the same tongue. A mother in Manchuria could converse with a mother in Nebraska and never miss a word.

On prohibiting anybody from learning anything: Why, in five years we would have the smartest race of people on earth.

There is a terrible lot of us who don't think that we come from a monkey, but if there are some people who think that they do, why, it's not our business to rob them of what little pleasure they might get out of imagining it.

People should be more concerned with the return of their principal than the return on their principal.

Don't wait to buy land, Buy land and wait. Find out where the people are going and buy the land before they get there.

The only real diplomacy ever performed by a diplomat is in deceiving their own people after their dumbness has got them into a war.

Parades should be classed as a Nuisance and participants should be subject to a term in prison. They stop more work, inconvenience more people, stop more traffic, cause more accidents, entail more expense, and commit and cause I don't remember the other hundred misdemeanors.

A company is known by the people it keeps.