I order food like a normal human being. If I'm out to lunch, I'm going to order three courses like everybody else. I'm not going to feel like some kind of freak.

I got sick of trying everything. I tried every single thing imaginable - diet, exercise. I even bought a house on the health spa property, and I still gained weight.

This thing happened where I noticed anytime I got together with four friends or more, the conversation goes to food.

I've gone through literally over 30 years of struggle with weight and food and body image... and I'm like, 'Wait a minute.'

I'm not a private person. I like hanging out and talking to fans. But my life isn't so interesting that you want to see the inside of it.

If Flavor Flav was any smaller and darker, Brad and Angelina would try to adopt him.

I keep getting asked out by really young, good looking boys and really ugly lesbians. So, even if I wanted to jump onto the tuna boat, I wouldn't because I'm not getting high-class babes that I should get at this level of my career. And I always know the ugly ones are serious and that the good-looking ones are goofing on me.

I'm always proud of what I've done and what I continue to do.

I'm not a political comic at all, so it would be weird if I just turned into a preachy, sort-of political commentator.

When doing comedy, I do what makes me laugh. The first person I learned from said I should talk about things I am passionate about - that I love or hate - because the audience likes to see passion. The stuff I rant and rave about stems from a place that really pisses me off.

I kind of knew inside that I wanted to try comedy, but it was a mystery. How do you start? So when I hit 30 and I had done everything I wanted to do in journalism, so I went to a comedy class. I figured I'd learn how to do five minutes and see how it feels.

I lasted seven years as a journalist, and I've been doing comedy for twenty years.

I've played every comedy club and every theatre across the country for the last 25 years and seen a lot of audience members from different ethnic persuasions.

Shortly after college, I was working in New York City at 'Rolling Stone' magazine.

When I decided to do 'The Celebrity Apprentice,' there was absolutely no question that I would play the game for GMHC.

If they hate you, they hate you, but I've always been polarizing, and I love that.

We usually let our husbands negotiate the house and the cars. But I never had a husband, so I was always buying my own houses and cars, so I knew how to negotiate.

I say every slur on the planet - racial, homosexual, everything to do with every ethnic group on the planet - and guess what? I will never apologize for that because I know why I do it, and it is to make a valid point about ignorance in this society.

I was 25 myself once. I also thought I knew everything. I also thought that I could give singers singing advice and comics comedy advice. When you're that age, you know it all, so I understand it. But when you're tired and you don't have patience for it, you definitely snap.

I wasn't ready to be a dog's mother! Trust me, I'm completely unfit and irresponsible. I'm a comic that travels 48 weeks a year, but I make it work, so you can, too.

Mr. Trump, I really can't comment, because he was my boss on 'Celebrity Apprentice,' and I just don't think we should let him be president until he produces evidence that the thing on his head is real. Because he wanted to see Obama's birth certificate, we should ask for a certificate of real hair.

I feel that if I retire today, I've done enough. I've achieved everything in comedy... I feel I don't need anything else. It's already built.

What you bring to the stage is what you are in real life... people sense that.

Insult comedy has been around forever. I can make fun of people, and they won't get mad at me.