My dad goes through war novels like I go through boxes of Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

Ultimately, jokes are this really special thing that we can all share. It's exciting to have basically a thousand people in a room together that can laugh at the same time, but I think of it almost as, like, a religious experience.

I love pizza. I want to marry it, but it would just be to eat her family at the wedding.

You have to be realistic. Not everyone is going to like you, so you have to focus on the ones who do.

I don't want a chat show or to be on telly every day, as that's not my business; my business is standing in front of people and making them laugh, and I want to see how far I can get with that.

I can sit and write clever things, but that never quite works as well as when I'm just chatting about stupid things in the moment.

I usually do quite well with presents, but the problem with Christmas is it's such a big build-up and such a big day that if someone tests you the year after, you've got no idea what you got.

One of the weirdest things about Christmas in this country is that people love to watch 'EastEnders' when everyone's in floods of tears and there's a huge row. I don't know if watching it makes them feel better about their own day. Personally, I would rather try to be a bit more positive!

I really, really love stand-up.

I think actually performing on stage when everyone's facing you and you're one person facing them, that is quite a lonely thing in a strange way. You have to be quite insular from everybody else, you've got thousands of people staring at you and you're just on your own.

Before I went into comedy I was a loner, very much wrapped up in my own thoughts. But I always liked myself and the way I thought.

I don't go around straightening pictures or anything like that, but I do obsess about the safety of those I love, particularly the kids.

I always knew I was quite good at getting laughs. At school, I loved having a ready audience if I made a cheeky remark.

Comedy provides an escape from the horrors of real life.

I don't have any writers. I never get a laugh with somebody else's jokes. I can't do it justice.

I don't just like to use punchlines anymore, especially in arenas. They freak me out. There is nothing worse than 15,000 people waiting for a punchline.

I call people 'captain' a lot and it makes them feel special. Until they hear me using it for everyone, that is.

It's such a lie that women go for funny men.

Sometimes I worry about things changing and people not liking me any more. As a comedian you do feel like you're walking on a knife edge.

I went to quite a nice school as a kid, where everyone was quite posh, because my dad was making some money.

I go to the British Comedy Awards and, you know, quite a few people were making jokes at my expense. It just made me feel awful, because I am there with my wife and she has gone out and bought a dress. And it is my big night and I won, and yet the overriding experience was that of nastiness.

I feel a bit weird about turning 40. It makes you feel like you've passed over on to the other side a bit.

Given this voice, I know it does sound like I've come from money. But my dad was Canadian and my mum Hungarian, so it's not like I have some high-society, upper-class English background.

I think if anyone becomes so obnoxious to believe they could be a national treasure, they just need to go on Twitter and realise they're not. That's there to curtail anybody's confidence.