I do speak well as I went to a posh school. But I come from no real breeding.

I get looks like I can't raise my child, but I can.

I don't know how it is with other people's relationships, but my wife is always much more tired than me because she works much harder looking after the children, which is an endless battle - a lot of it is battling with them to stop battling with each other.

I worked every single night, not even caring if I got paid, to get myself known. Within a year I was on the Royal Variety Show and that was it.

I don't watch any other comedy, I don't study stand-up as an art.

It's a weird one: nobody notices when a brilliant comedian is fat or has sweat marks under their arms. Peter Kay isn't in the best shape and neither is Ricky Gervais, and it doesn't matter. Still, I like to feel like I'm transforming into something quite cool when I go on stage.

I think everyone wants to know why I look like this. These jokes I make about looking Chinese… My mother's from Hungary and my dad was from Canada. There's a lot of immigration in my past.

The people who don't like me are completely irrelevant to me, just as I'm irrelevant to them.

Maybe people just can't cope with how jovial I am.

Britain's Got Talent' is about those moments when an unknown person takes to the stage and changes their life in the space of a few minutes.

I always used to want everyone to like me, because it used to hurt so much when people made snidey comments or gave me bad reviews, but I've learnt to deal with it.

I've always just tried to make the audience laugh.

I definitely wanted a Ferrari 328 - I was obsessive about cars as a kid.

I have no ambitions to act, because I don't know how to.

I sometimes reflect on my own life on stage and no one laughs, but you have to have faith in it and hope that people will laugh.

I got my big break at the Royal Variety Performance in 2006 and returned in 2008, but now to host it is such an honour and I'm unbelievably excited.

The only critics who annoy me are the ones who come to my shows even when they're clearly not fans of my work.

The world is in a bit of a state. I don't know how it's happened so quickly but everyone's a bit on edge. I'm not sure that our leaders are doing a great job globally. We're hoping on Trump and Kim Jong-un - these two people who maybe aren't necessarily the sanest.

My life is spent in hotels, which tend to be quite disappointing if you're in them every night.

It's hard to see your dad once in a blue moon.

I like the stage lights to be bright so I can't see people because I will inevitably only see the ones who aren't laughing.

I'm glad Carol Vorderman has left 'Countdown;' I mean, it's not like she did much. She was effectively just an autistic shelf-stacker.

My wife is very fit and looking younger every day, whereas I'm looking older day by day.

I thought I was going to do some cult, cool, late-night interviewing thing on BBC2. But everyone kept saying: 'No, Michael, you're teatime, you're not cool.'