Lord, the money we do spend on Government and it's not one bit better than the government we got for one-third the money twenty years ago.

The government says they have loaned over One Billion dollars to the Farmers. In other words, we can't help you make any money, but we will show you where you can owe some more.

It is a good thing that we do not get as much government as we pay for.

A debt is just as hard for a Government to pay as it is for an individual. No debt ever comes due at a good time. Borrowing is the only thing that seems handy all the time.

If you have a radio, the next three months is a good time to have it quit working. All you will hear from now until the 4th of November will be: 'We must get our government out of the hands of predatory wealth.' 'The good people of this great country are burdened to death with taxes. Now what I intend to do is ...' What he intends to do is try and get elected. That's all any of them intend to do. Another one that will hum over the old static every night will be: 'This country has reached a crisis in its national existence.'

Government spending? I don't know what it's all about. I don't know any more about this thing than an economist does, and, God knows, he doesn't know much.

The South is dry and will vote dry. That is, everybody that is sober enough to stagger to the polls will.

Conferences are just like the poor and the Democrats, they will always be with us.

If you eliminate the names of Lincoln, Washington, Roosevelt, Jackson and Wilson, both conventions would get out three days earlier.

The Republicans have a habit of having three bad years and one good one, and the good one always happens to be election years.

The business of government is to keep the government out of business - that is, unless business needs government aid.

All I know is just what I read in the Congressional Record. They have had some awful funny articles in there lately. As our government deteriorates, our humor increases.

There's a simple solution to our traffic problems. We'll have business build the roads, and government build the cars.

How is the government going to get the extra taxes? Out of the rich, or just out of the poor, as usual?

Government investigations have always contributed more to our amusement than they have to our knowledge.

Will somebody please tell me what they do with all the Vice-Presidents a bank has? Why the United States is the biggest business institution in the world, and they got only one Vice-President and nobody has ever found anything for him to do.

I don't make jokes. I just watch government and report the facts.

As bad as we sometimes think our government is run, it is the best run I ever saw.

There is not a man in the country that can't make a living for himself and his family. But he can't make a living for them AND the government, too, the way his government is living. What the government has got to do is live as cheap as the people.

I don't know jokes; I just watch the government and report the facts.

On account of us being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does

On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does.

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you

If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep.