The essential truth is that sometimes you're worried that they'll find out it's a fluke, that you don't really have it. You've lost the muse or - the worst dread - you never had it at all. I went through all that madness early on.

I only ever play Vegas one night at a time. It's a hideous, gaudy place; it may not be the end of the world per se, but you can certainly see it from there.

One of my favourite actors of all time, although he doesn't necessarily play villains, is Peter Lorre.

I love kids, but they are a tough audience.

I do believe in love; it's wonderful - especially love third time around, it's even more precious; it's kind of amazing.

If Heaven exists, to know that there's laughter, that would be a great thing.

When the media ask George W. Bush a question, he answers, 'Can I use a lifeline?'

Look at the walls of Pompeii. That's what got the internet started.

I don't do well with snakes and I can't dance.

We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

I believe Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was... a large Arctic region covered with ice.

It's hard when you read an article saying bad things about you. It is as if someone is sticking a knife on your heart. But I am the harshest critic of my work.

Sometimes over things that I did, movies that didn't turn out very well - you go, 'Why did you do that?' But in the end, I can't regret them because I met amazing people. There was always something that was worth it.

The idea of having a steady job is appealing.

Having George W. Bush giving a lecture on business ethics is like having a leper give you a facial, it just doesn't work!

Cricket is basically baseball on valium.

A woman would never make a nuclear bomb. They would never make a weapon that kills - no, no. They'd make a weapon that makes you feel bad for a while.

When Jonathan Winters died, it was like, 'Oh, man!' I knew he was frail, but I always thought he was going to last longer. I knew him as being really funny, but at the same time, he had a dark side.

The Second Amendment says we have the right to bear arms, not to bear artillery.

Divorce is expensive. I used to joke they were going to call it 'all the money,' but they changed it to 'alimony.' It's ripping your heart out through your wallet.

For me, comedy starts as a spew, a kind of explosion, and then you sculpt it from there, if at all. It comes out of a deeper, darker side. Maybe it comes from anger, because I'm outraged by cruel absurdities, the hypocrisy that exists everywhere, even within yourself, where it's hardest to see.

I basically started performing for my mother, going, 'Love me!' What drives you to perform is the need for that primal connection. When I was little, my mother was funny with me, and I started to be charming and funny for her, and I learned that by being entertaining, you make a connection with another person.

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

Comedy is acting out optimism.