There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.

Anything important is never left to the vote of the people. We only get to vote on some man; we never get to vote on what he is to do.

It's not what you pay a man, but what he costs you that counts.

This thing of being a hero, about the main thing to it is to know when to die. Prolonged life has ruined more men than it ever made.

That's one good thing about wars. It takes smarter men to figure out who loses 'em than it does to start 'em.

Nothing makes a man or body of men as mad as the truth. If there is no truth in it they laugh it off.

Every man gets an opportunity once in a lifetime.

I have often said in answer to inquiries as to how I got away with kidding some of our public men, that it was because I liked all of them personally, and that if there was no malice in your heart there could be none in your "Gags", and I have always said I never met a man I dident like.

I am proud of the fact there is not a human being that I have got it in for. I never met a man I didn't like.

I never met a man that I didn't like.

America already holds the record for freak movements. Now we have a new one. It's called "Restoring Confidence." Rich men who never had a mission in life outside of watching a stock ticker are working day and night "restoring confidence." Writers are working night shifts, speakers' tables are littered up, ministers are preaching statistics, all on "restoring confidence."

Ten men in our country could buy the whole world and ten million can't buy enough to eat.

The greatest loss of time is delay and expectation. I never yet talked to the man who wanted to save time who could tell me what he was going to do with the time he saved.

I bet you, if I had met Trotsky, and had had a chat with him, I would have found him a very interesting and human fellow, for I have never yet met a man I didn't like.

Nothing makes a man, or a body of men, as mad as the truth. If there is no truth in it, they laugh it off.

Every time a woman leaves off something she looks better, but every time a man leaves off something he looks worse.

One of the evils of democracy is, you have to put up with the man you elect whether you want him or not.

Nothing makes a man broad-minded like adversity.

Every time we have an election, we get in worse men and the country keeps right on going. Times have proven only one thing and that is you can't ruin this country even with politics.

It ain't so much what a man doesn't know that causes him so many problems, but what he knows that ain't so.

It's getting so if a man wants to stand well socially, he can't afford to be seen with either the Democrats or the Republicans.

Coolidge made less speeches and got more votes than any man that ever run. (William Jennings) Bryan was listened to and cheered by more people than any single human in politics, and he lost. So there is a doubt just whether talking does you good or harm.

I read where they are going to limit debate in the Senate. It used to be that a man could talk all day, but now, as soon as he tells all he knows, he has to sit down. Most of these birds will just be getting up and nodding now. Why, some of them won't be able to answer roll call.

In Washington, one man could do what ten of them do. There could be only a quarter or a third as many congressmen or senators, and we would pick better ones then. But it's the system that we have always used, and there is no use getting all overcome with perspiration over it. Things kinder run themselves, anyhow.

Funny thing about being a U.S. senator, the only thing the law says you have to be is 30 years old. Not another single requirement. They just figure that a man that old got nobody to blame but himself if he gets caught in there.

You never know how much a man can't remember until he is called as a witness.

Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.

I'll bet you the time ain't far off when a woman won't know any more than a man.

In Europe public men do resign. But here it's a lost art. You have to impeach 'em.

Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf.

In Washington, one man could do what ten of them do. Things kinder run themselves, anyhow.

We always want the best man to win an election. Unfortunately, he never runs.

Our public men are speaking every day on something, but they ain't saying anything.

We have plenty of Confidence in this country, but we are a little short of good men to place our Confidence in.

Hundreds and hundreds of beautiful horses in the parade and a man without a silver saddle is a vagrant.

The man that found the 726-carat diamond in Africa, received $350,000 for it and wants to buy a farm and silk hat. Well, I can understand a man perhaps being eccentric enough to want to own a silk hat.

I joked about every prominent man of my time, but I never met a man I didn't like.

The deer season just opened. A deer hunter in Ventura Country brought in his first man yesterday.

I see by the papers that they are going to do away with all the nuisance taxes. That means that a man can get a marriage license for nothing.

With old inflation riding the headlines, I have read till I am bleary-eyed, and I can't get head from tails of the whole thing. ... Now we are living in an age of explanations-and plenty of 'em, too-but no two things that's been done to us have been explained twice the same way, by even the same man. It's and age of in one ear and out the other.

Our financial ills will never be settled till you fix it so every man will pay an income tax on what he earns, be it a farm, grocery store or municipal or government bonds.

Under capitalism man exploits man; under socialism the reverse is true.

Every man is ignorant - just on different subjects.

It's almost worth the Great Depression to learn how little our big men know.

Everyone wants to vote for the best and most qualified man, but he never runs for office.

People want just taxes more than they want lower taxes. They want to know that every man is paying his proportionate share according to his wealth.

Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

If you want to know how a man stands, go among the people who are in his same business.

A liberal is a man who wants to use his own ideas on things in preference to generations who he knows know more than he does.

Of course nothing is ever done about a [presidential] commission report, except, they say, once a man at the state prison for the criminally insane actually read one once clear through. Then he did something about it. He made a bonfire that lasted a week.